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"My wife said we need to 'evaluate the garage' so there goes my weekend."
"My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home."
"I was an only child to two hard working immigrant parents so, I called selfies 'pho-tos'"
"Yes, I know it’s cold but my kid won’t wear a coat. I am picking my battles. —a parenting memoir"
"Sorry we're late, my husband had to drive around the parking lot 5 times till he found a spot he liked."
"My 8yo told me her New Year’s resolution is not to step on anthills if anyone needs a lesson in realistic goal-setting."
"'Wow now that I know it was you and not santa who was responsible for all those gifts over the years I’d like to take a moment to thank you and apologise for the misplaced gratitude.' - no kid ever"
Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) dismissed criticism after he tweeted out a photo from a video call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy after specifically being asked not to share the image.
"I feel like people who know how to crack eggs with one hand have life all figured out."
"A rigged election, fight on!" the furious president called out to his supporters.