01/08/2016 08:24 BST | Updated 30/07/2017 06:12 BST

Weekends With the Kids

Sweeter words were never uttered.

Ah, that's right. I forgot. I have two small children... It means absolutely bugger all.

If you don't have children, which probably isn't a big percentage of the readership of this blog to be honest, your weekend might include one or more of the following: 

Drinks after work on Friday

A nice tradition and well deserved after a long week. For the stay at home parent however, there is no after-work so no after-work pub trip.


For parents that go out to work, the reality is more likely to be getting home to collect your child(ren) from childcare, wrestling them into bed and then letting out a huge sigh of relief before necking a bottle of wine and inhaling a takeaway whilst watching TV. Yes, I am aware that such things as babysitters and partners exist, but my days of popping out for a swift half after work and crawling in five hours later with a dodgy burger and a purloined ashtray are probably over for good.

A nice lie in?

Maybe 9, 10am? That's reasonable. Maybe stay in bed a while. You know.


Maybe your children like lie-ins. Don't rub it in; mine don't. To be honest I am more likely to be able to achieve a lie-in of a weekend, what with daddy being home, if staying in bed refusing to budge whilst the kids scream at each other downstairs can be categorised as such.

Catch up with friends over a relaxed, boozy lunch?

Obviously unless you have somewhere to deposit your children, this is a bad idea for a lot of reasons; you don't want to be that person who leaves your kid in the pub (do you, David?).


Obligatory tantrums if you do not serve food within one minute of children deciding they are hungry.

A leisurely spot of shopping?

Go treat yourself, you deserve it! Sadly for the parent, shops are the birthplace of the tantrum. Save yourself the hassle and the judgemental stares and just hand your toddler £30 to rip up while he screams at you.


Why not try a toddler-friendly activity such as soft play, a farm or zoo which will be packed with other children and their parents who've been up since stupid o'clock and would rather be having a childfree three hour lunch.

If you're really lucky, you may have a children's party to attend.

Night out?

Dinner out with friends, maybe followed by a film, a show, or by more alcohol, perhaps a club, or any number of exciting activities?

Possible, but must be planned well in advance and it had better be worth it. As I have said before, I cannot think of a worse way to spend babysitting time than sitting in a cinema.


Might be best to play safe and have a bottle of wine in front of the TV. If you do go out, make sure you get home at a reasonable hour, because the kids will be up at five am. Again.

And obviously, it's up to you, you're an adult capable of making your own decisions... but parenting with a hangover is the pits.

Long hungover lie in

Possibly only getting out of bed to answer the door to the pizza delivery man? Yea, you wish buddy.


Up at 5, same as yesterday and the day before and the day before that. And all the days before those, and a lot of days to come. Sigh. There might cuddles in bed though and that's pretty awesome.

This post first appeared on Whinge Whinge Wine complete with exciting infographic. If you'd like to read more from Frances and the Whingelets, you can find them over on Facebook.