"You're going to want to sit down for this."
I didn't think that was actually something people said in real life, but here I was, being prepared to hear some news that was going to be so big, so shocking, it would make my legs forget their primary purpose.
I sat down. I stood back up.
Whatever the news, I wasn't going to just sit there and take it. I was going to be ready. Ready to fight, plead or, more likely, leg it.
My mind began to race, I thought of every possibility. What has happened? Who is hurt? Who am I never going to see again? How is my life about to change? I started to think about all the plans I had, everything I hoped to one day achieve.
I thought about the people I love, one by one, ranking them in order of how hurt I will be that they're dead. I thought about all my regrets. I've never been to New York, I've never even tasted avocado.
I thought about how miserable I can be, how sometimes I go purposely out of my way just to avoid talking to people, how I can be needlessly hurtful, excessively sarcastic. I thought how a petty remark could turn out to be one of the biggest regrets of my life.
I considered everything I had hoped to one day achieve with my life.
I thought back to a time in school when the class were given an assignment to write about our hopes and dreams. I remembered people writing about how they wanted to be a footballer or a musician or one of those famous people who are famous but no one actually knows why.
I remembered my answer - to become a dad and have a family. I was 14 years old and that was my goal. I wanted that more than anything in the entire world and now here I am about to receive some earth shattering news.
The blood drained from me. I don't know where it went but it was gone.
I did sit down.
It'd only been about 5 seconds but when you're anticipating your world collapsing, time goes surprisingly slow.
"What's happened? Just talk. Please. Is everyone OK?"
Rachael, my girlfriend, stared back at me, shaking and unable to talk. Tears filled her eyes.
I forgot how to breathe. All air left my lungs.
And then she smiled.
A smile like I have never known before. A smile from her eyes, from her soul. The very essence of joy.
I looked around and back up to her.
Words finally left her mouth.
"We did it."
I'd never really fully prepared myself for this moment, despite thinking about it for as long as I can remember.
Seconds ago I thought my world was ending, now I realised it was only just beginning.
My dreams were coming true.
The scariest, most beautifully exhilarating news I have ever received.
The biggest, hardest secret I have ever had to keep can now be shouted from the rooftops.
We've actually done it - we're going to be a mummy and a daddy!
Baby Mills. Due 8th December 2015.