The Blog

Mental Health Is Part of Us, Not All of Us

For me, a decade of struggling with an eating disorder which nearly cost me my life on several occasions involved questioning deeply the reasons why I wanted to get better. Thinking about ending my life also made me think about the things I would want to stay alive for and what I could do with my health if I recovered it.

We experience the world through our bodies, every day relying on however much physical health we have to meet our goals - from going to different places to taking part in the activities we enjoy and generally trying to feel as well as we can. Whilst being physically fit and well can feel great in itself, there are so many more things in life which we value which are more important, so many reasons why it is worth having a body in the first place. The same can be said for mental health. We rely on mental health to live the lives that we want, and even in the times when we struggle with our own thoughts and feelings and long to feel even a moment of wellbeing, we always know that not having mental health problems isn't our highest ambition. When we struggle to overcome mental health problems it isn't simply to not suffer any more, it is to have a life worth living and to do all those things that we value, that give us meaning.

For me, a decade of struggling with an eating disorder which nearly cost me my life on several occasions involved questioning deeply the reasons why I wanted to get better. Thinking about ending my life also made me think about the things I would want to stay alive for and what I could do with my health if I recovered it. My eating disorder was a powerful way of coping with distressing feelings and severe emotional dysregulation, and without it - even though I would be healthy - I couldn't see what I would have left to rely on. When I went through mental health services, I was often frustrated with a negative focus on giving up my problematic behaviours, how removing dangerous symptoms seemed to be the only goal. For me, I was more concerned in what I would do with my life instead, why I should give up anorexia or bulimia when I didn't know whether I would be able to find support in other, less damaging ways.

In the end, one of the main things that drove me to get the support I needed and access treatment was the hope of being able to do things that were nothing to do with mental health. Yes, I needed to replace my eating problems with healthier skills that I learnt as part of my therapy (DBT), but this was so that I could go on and do the things I wanted to, such as start voluntary work and eventually go back to university. Just like I need my physical health to go out to my lectures in the morning, I need my mental health to be able to sit and read, to concentrate or not to become too much of a perfectionist with my work. I need my physical health to go travelling in the summer, and I need my mental health to enjoy it mindfully, to be open to new experiences and to share it with my friends. Of course I enjoy having mental health in itself too - things I previously took for granted such as being able to socialise without anxiety or eat a meal with friends, these have an extra level of meaning to me now. But appreciating feeling mentally healthy is only part of what I want from life.

The sad fact however is that in the society we live in, having problems with your mental health can mean that there are barriers to taking part in those meaningful activities that you value. Change is happening, for example we are seeing more parity of esteem with physical health, but participating in society can be a huge challenge in the context of cuts to disability benefits and public services that can keep us well (such as libraries and leisure centres), a limited understanding of mental health in many workplaces and educational institutions, and barriers to accessing the support you need from the NHS. Supporting people is more than supporting them to not be ill, it is about facilitating them to achieve the things that they value and reducing the barriers to them participating in society on an equal basis, whether they have mental health problems or not. Being isolated from others and losing freedom is one of the most distressing things about mental health problems, which in turn can thrive on loneliness and isolation, secrecy and silence. For this reason it is important to recognise the importance of a whole range of factors in maintaining wellbeing from social and economic factors to the whole range of public services that we use.

If we say that there is more to life than mental health and more to providing support than traditional mental health services, this is never to be used as an excuse to withdraw services that are so critically needed by so many people. Of course, nobody wants services that promote dependence and become ultimately disabling by encouraging people to rely on them and deskilling people from doing things that they would want to do for themselves. But this isn't what real life support is. Life support is about enabling people to fulfil their potential rather than just getting by, to overcome the disempowering effects of mental health problems and build lives worth living. This process will be different for every individual and we must remember that the road to becoming independent and engaged with positive activities is not always a straightforward one. People will always need professional support as they would with a physical health problem or disability - this should be seen as normal and nothing to be ashamed of, and people should be allowed to make progress at their own pace.

Looking back at my experience of mental health problems, it has certainly been a long and complicated journey which continues into the future as I continue to manage my mental health (which after all, is something we all have, whatever shape it's in!). During the times when I was in the grips of severe eating problems my life was overwhelmed with struggling with my mental health, and I could rarely see a way out. Now though, whilst mental health is a big component of my life, it isn't all of my life. I've needed support, but with the right support I believe we can help all sorts of people to have the lives they want whether they have mental health problems or not.

Useful websites and helplines:

  • Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill.)
  • Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393
  • Get Connected is a free advice service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email:
  • HopeLine runs a confidential advice helpline if you are a young person at risk of suicide or are worried about a young person at risk of suicide. Mon-Fri 10-5pm and 7pm-10pm. Weekends 2pm-5pm on 0800 068 41 41