It's a new day, it's a new dawn, it's a new year - and I'm feeling ill.

It's a new day, it's a new dawn, it's a new year - and I'm feeling ill.

North Korea hails its new leader as a genius among geniuses - I thought he was just fat.

Silvio Berlusconi or Captain Francesco Schettino - why national stereotypes exist.

Scotland - from small country to failed state in a single referendum.

Edukation, Edgucation, Edjuchation - how we have ruined prospects for the young... comprehensively.

Youth unemployment rises - the market for bird-scarers is limited.

Another Iranian nuclear scientist is killed - One small step for Man.

Chaos theory - four thousand Italians trapped on a stricken ship.

They say a turkey is for Christmas - the euro will keep on being roasted throughout 2012.

The NHS - both the failed doctor and the fat patient.

Scotland has discovered exotic new sealife off its shores - rarer once it ends in the deep-fat frier.

A former French president found guilty of corruption - and we are expected to buy into their system.

The mystery of Creationism - how some evolved to deny the obvious.

I was never abused as a child - there go my chat-show bookings.

Know alls know nothing.

In youth, the penis trips up the brain - with age, the reverse is true.

If I wanted to sit on my arse and waste other people's money - I'd be an heir or a public servant..

The secret of pop success - to say in a northern accent you've been on a journey.

Bad teachers never fade away - they just go on and on and on...

Twitter - why bother to get a life?

Markets never lie and politicians always do - the result is global financial meltdown.

Once upon a time... then the European project collapsed...the end.

The eurozone crisis is a bonfire of the vanities - and I'm toasting marshmallows on it.

The euro is dead - world leaders are simply running after the cortege.

London is hosting the Olympics - but then Paris hosts beggars and dog shit.

Radical Islam or Ultra-Orthodox Judaism - the triumph of weirds with beards over humour and humanity.

Brits are among the fattest people in Europe - the poor are hardly starving.

The seven billionth human is here - a pity there's no natural predator.

End world hunger - feed the fat to the thin.

LibDems - Why?


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