07/04/2016 07:14 BST | Updated 07/04/2017 06:12 BST

Is Your Sex Too Serious?

"Laughter comes out of health. It's an overflowing energy. That's why children can laugh and their laughter is total. Their whole body is involved in it - when they laugh you can see their toes laughing. The whole body, every cell, every fiber of the body, is laughing and vibrating. They are so full of health, so vital; everything is flowing. A sad child means an ill child, and a laughing old man means he is still young. Even death cannot make him old, nothing can make him old. His energy is still flowing and overflowing, he is always flooded. Laughter is a flooding of energy."

Osho, A Bird on the Wing

Do you laugh in bed? Is it allowed? Sometimes, we can get very serious in the area of sexuality. We get an idea into our heads that we have to get it right and forget that getting it right is a recipe for disaster on the making love front. And especially for relaxing and opening up.

Things can especially go wrong in this way when we're trying to make love more consciously, because there is already an intention to reach some kind of sacred level with each other. Oh dear, this can be deadly serious. And, quite possibly, deadening for the relationship.

I remember when my partner, Tim, and I were attempting soft penetration for the first time. It's part of our making love practice - in that the man does not need to have an erection to make love. And this then allows him to experience a kind of making love where everything arises, rather than is forced. However, it also requires 'technical' help in the form of lubrication, for instance, coconut oil; as well as the woman to help manually with the entry.

Our entire focus became trying to make it happen. We were trying too hard to find a sacred union in this way. It all went wrong and we couldn't actually manage it. His penis kept slipping out. We ended up having an argument and blaming each other, which wasn't much fun!

The next time we decided to adopt a different attitude - one where making love can also include a sense of humour. We made our minds up to treat making love consciously as a flow and play of energy. This time when Tim's penis slipped out, we laughed and laughed. It was so funny and our bodies were so deeply relaxed, we noticed that a different energy had been invited in. In being able to treat our 'failure' lightly, we were able to move through that stage and into a place where soft entry was possible, and we felt so deeply peaceful in that place. The laughter had enabled a special harmony on this occasion.

The Indian philosopher and visionary, Osho was a big believer in laughter. As a method of removing layers of tension, as well as in the child-like innocence that it brings to life, and in our case, to sex too.

Of course, laughter can also be an avoidance strategy in the bedroom. I remember one couple telling me that they were having difficulty connecting because they tended to make a joke out of everything when they were having sex. This is not what I'm talking about. I'm not suggesting that you laugh all the time but just to allow it as part of the dance that is making love.

A sense of humour can be a practical tool in terms of lightening the atmosphere and allowing a flow of love and sex to happen. Much of our conscious making love practice is about moving away from doing (ie making orgasms happen) to being (ie being together in a profoundly relaxed way). However, I've always considered the sacred to include humour, and in our case, it definitely helps to deepen our experience together.

Five Ways To Allow Laughter In

1) Set an intention that a sense of humour is allowed and welcomed, when making love.

2) Approach making love as a flow of energy between you that can include everything - love, anger, sadness, laughter, wildness etc.

3) Communicate with each other something about your partner that makes you smile or laugh

4) Sometimes make a choice to go in the direction of humour rather than heaviness, especially if you tend to be more serious by nature.

5) Watch some of Osho's more humorous videos before you start making love. It will set you off in a lighter direction.