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The Fixer


My children have always called me "The Fixer"

Give mummy a problem and, so they say, "she immediately wants to sort it out, off she goes finding solutions, directing us towards a goal and a resolution at least in her mind".

This is not entirely untrue.

I am I admit a doer. I find it impossible to sit back and let things happen if I can find a way to a resolution. Now whilst I admit this may be annoying, possibly even very annoying for the person I am trying to fix, I find it amazingly satisfying.

It probably comes from the fact I am without a doubt an uncontrollable control freak, something I do freely admit to, but there is also a sense of purpose in bringing about a satisfactory conclusion to an issue.

My closest friend recently confided in me that her 36 year old son had now been out of work for nine months and she was at her wits end as he had now moved back to the family home. My immediate thought was ok let's get his CV sorted, then off I went onto job sites in the locality to identity numerous opportunities. I also offered to council him each week and be his mentor. All of course unasked for and very probably unwanted but I couldn't help myself!

Of course it is also appropriate to fix my own issues successfully (or not) whenever I have a problem. It is cathartic, for me at least, to immediately go into "action woman" approach; Ok so let's consider the options, now quick choose one, ok action.

A satisfactory resolution may or may not occur but either way I feel immeasurably better once I am being proactive.

The trouble with being a fixer of course is that lots of people actually don't want fixing; they want a sympathetic ear and words of comfort, so forcing solutions of whatever nature on to these people is, at best, falling on deaf ears and at worst with derision.

But what happens if you can't help yourself!

My own daughter recently confided in her sister that she was very glad I wasn't giving her advice on a particular issue and that I was, just for a change, listening. I have to say that on this particular issue it has been an almighty challenge as I had to virtually cut my tongue out to not tell her exactly what I thought she should do, let alone advise her. I only stopped this particular route after weeks of being told not to interfere. Very, very difficult for a fixer let alone a mother who is also a fixer!

Fixers though cannot bear inertia or procrastination, in our opinion all these traits achieve is prolonging the inevitable and I personally find myself shouting "just get on with it".

Some fixers, and I include myself, are seen as interfering in a situation, often with little or no knowledge, just because they can't help themselves.

The other trait us fixers have is a distinct hatred of people who try to fix us; no thanks we can fix ourselves thank you very much, don't even go there.

I am unlikely to ask in any case, Lord forgive me for showing any sort of weakness!

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