04/01/2016 12:09 GMT | Updated 04/01/2017 05:12 GMT

10 Benefits of a Flatter Front: Redressing the Balance

A beautiful quote from an old Buddhist sage states...

"Cherry, plum, peach and damson blossoms all have their own qualities, and they manifest the three properties of the life of the Buddha without changing their character".

A cherry blossom cannot become a peach blossom, no matter how hard it tries, because it is a cherry blossom. Cherry blossoms are beautiful and should live and bloom just as they are! But it would be kinda hard to do that wouldn't it, if peach blossoms were always, I dunno, starring in music vids, used to sell things that had nothing to do with peaches, and paraded about as if they were the be all and end all.

Recently, listening to the Woman's Hour piece on breast size and self-esteem, (to which Loose Debra contributed at approx 28 mins in), where a woman said she needed breast augmentation because her breasts were not big or shapely enough, my 82 year old Aunt Leala proclaimed "Why on earth would she want big ones?! You smaller busted girls don't know how lucky you are!"

Of course, here at Loose Debra we believe that big breasts, saggy breasts, small breasts and no-breast chests are all intrinsically beautiful and don't need to change - it's all about attitude. I was a bit sad that the woman had felt the need for augmentation, though not unsympathetic as we all live with the social pressure to be valued according to what society says is valuable.

However, it's high time to scribble on the wallpaper a bit around here. By this I mean the metaphorical wallpaper we all live with that portrays large boobs as awesome and demands women aspire to big bouncing frontage. Because it really is just that - wallpaper - and can be changed if it's not working for all who have to live with it! (And I'd say having an operation to match the decor means the wallpaper's gotta go!).

So, with Auntie Leala's words as inspiration, here's my list of why a flat chest, like any other kind of a chest, can be awesome if that's what a woman has...

1. I can see the keyboard right now. Right now whilst typing. Nothing at all to obscure my view.

2. If needs be, I can happily run for a bus, or anywhere, without having two big sacks of wet lentils strapped to my chest to worry about. (This isn't just my overactive imagination; I've been reliably informed).

3. The gynaecologist tells me I'll be quick to spot a lump, there's really not much to poke around in!

4. Buttons on blouses or shirts pop open? Not my problem :-)

5. I have NEVER had to dig two holes in the sand before sunbathing on a beach. EVER. I just lie my lovely self straight down there and chill.

6. I have been known, especially prior to having kids, to go out to a club at night without a bag. This is because I would place a small wrapped cheese sandwich in one bra pocket, and lipstick and liner in a little pouch in the other. Money and keys in trouser/skirt pocket. IMHO, this was very good usage of a bra for the flat-chested, as who wants to be dancing around a handbag?

7. I have never experienced neck, shoulder or back pain, due to bras or breasts.

8. I can fit sideways through small gaps in walls or fences. (This may seem an unlikely and rarely used advantage, but I recently exploited it when leaving the local Town Hall early at night via the back entrance. I'd sneaked discreetly out the back during a speech, to avoid walking around the front, and didn't want to look like the rude loser with the attention span of a gnat that I actually am. I had to slowly sidle through a narrow gap in a wire fence. I just made it due to a lack of chest saving self the acute shame of re-entering said Town Hall).

9. I can definitely go bra-free!

10. In-Built Perv-Repellent: no-one is going to get distracted by my cleavage and fail to look me in the eye. No-one.

Let me reassure you, Number 6 is totally true... but it was only ever half a cheese sandwich. If you can add to the list of why it's not so bad to be flat-chested, do comment. Let's redecorate around here...

Karen Dobres, Chief Freedom Fighter

For further reading on Being Yourself 'cos Everyone Else is Taken, here's a great Blog by Buddhist Life Coach, David Hare