11/11/2016 07:57 GMT | Updated 11/11/2017 05:12 GMT

What Has Twitter Ever Done For Me?

mattjeacock via Getty Images

I'm trying to imagine what it would have been like 40 years ago if I was able to follow Adam Ant on Twitter. Fan girls and boys must love this new age of social media. I remember crying in my bedroom listening to Mr Ant being interviewed on the radio, they were the little glimpses we got into our pin up's lives, it humanised them and made me feel just that little bit closer to him.

Now we have access to (most) celebrities 24/7, we know what they had for breakfast, dinner, after dinner, before bed and sometimes before they even know. Ok not all of them do that, but you get the idea. But what I like most about Twitter is you get to choose who you follow, not just friends and family. I'm not suggesting any of my friends and family aren't entertaining on Facebook (some are hilarious) I love you all.

I don't (or didn't) really follow celebrities until I decided I needed to seek out the funny people (to dilute all the Trump mania). But I'm one of those who doesn't remember any of their names.

"You know, the one on that show we really like, the funny one, with the beard, know... what's her name, in....???? Anyone?? "

So I came up with a cunning plan. I did remember one name, David Mitchell. He's the really funny one on those comedy panel shows with that other guy who's also really funny, you know? And I thought what better way to find all those other funny people than to look at who he follows. So that's what I did, it was easy as they nearly all have profile pics that look just like they do on the telly. Follow, click, click, click. Oh Jamie Laing, interesting. I wonder what the connection is, or is David a big fan of Made in Chelsea. Well, he is a bit posh as well isn't he. Several hundred (slight exaggeration) clicks later I was satisfied that my Newsfeed (do you call it that on Twitter?) would be filled with hilarious 140 character quips.

In reality, this is what happened:

I haven't been sleeping very well lately. At 3 o'clock this morning I was drafting this blog post in my head, finally I managed to get back to sleep and fall into a rather disturbing dream. Needless to say some of those people I started following on Twitter made an appearance. In my dream I didn't seem the slightest bit surprised to find them all at an orgy, I must say here that NO FLESH was bared. I just knew it was an orgy by the strange glint in their eyes. I'm glad it wasn't graphic because the guy wearing the horse's head from the episode of Come Dine With Me, I had watched earlier in the evening, made an entrance towards the end.

Forget Social Media, imagine if someone came up with the technology to record our dreams. I have some epics, ok, some wouldn't make the cut but #justsaying #loadsamoney #newcareer #sellingdreams

POSTSCRIPT: I did tweet David Mitchell to ask if I could use his profile pic for this post. I didn't give him long enough to reply though as writing this (and submitting it) was at the top of my 'to do' list today. But you can't imagine my excitement every time I got a notification on Twitter, just in case it was him.