My unexpected pregnancy has been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster. The end is in sight and I am finally feeling happy, content and secure. Everyone always says things will fall into place and slowly it has. With patience and perseverance, I now find my single-mum-to-be status something to be rather proud of.
I've had no partner to share the joy of decorating baby boy's nursery, cooing over baby clothes and imagining what he will grow up to be like. But that's okay. It wasn't meant to be like for that for me; this is mine and my boy's journey and we've come a hell of a long way.
Myself and bump in our new garden. Photo by John Charlton Photography
I now find myself two weeks away from my due date; I'm not sure where the last month or two have gone. It's a blur of moving to a new house, dealing with solicitors, decorating, buying endless baby items and finally getting to nest.
With so much going on, I have felt guilty about not spending as much time in the evenings playing music to bump and talking to him. So I thought I'd write a letter to the my boy, who I will soon meet, to thank him for what he has already given to me.
Dear baby boy,
So here we are two weeks from your due date. It seems like an eternity since the moment I first saw you at the 12 week scan. A tiny bean bouncing up and down with innocence and happiness. The relief I felt, I will never forget. You were real and you were mine.
As my bump slowly grew and I felt butterflies inside, you became this tiny little character. The bond I felt from the moment I found out I was expecting you only grew stronger. I spent endless nights playing music to you. I will cherish those nights. There were many that were filled with tears and uncertainty, as I lay there feeling vulnerable and afraid of our future. Tears were gone as soon as I felt you kick, I was reassured we were going to be okay. I had you now.
Throughout the past eight months, I've been so worried about the stress I have felt and whether it has affected you. However, at the 20 week scan I was told you were growing healthily and had ten fingers and toes, and a strong heart beating for mummy. I found ways to calm myself down which included everything from meditation and hypnotherapy to retail therapy and chocolate!
I want to tell you about the amount of love and support that is waiting for you in this world you're about to enter. Without a partner by my side, my family and friends have made sure I have never felt alone. Whether it's friends just popping round to watch Game of Thrones (you love the theme tune by the way) or taking me on spa days to make sure I relax.
Your existence in this world has shown me so much already and you haven't even taken your first breath. When your world feels truly dark, there is always light shining from those around you and often you don't have to look too far to find it. I've seen goodness and generosity in people that is overwhelming and often from people you don't expect.
I will bring you up to be one of these people. You will be a giver and you may expect it back but it doesn't always work out that way. You just accept and move on. I will teach you to give your energy to the people who don't take it for granted.
I have repeatedly told Grandma, who is a worrier, that I have not felt alone since the day I found out I was pregnant. As you have grown inside me, I have become stronger, more accepting, patient and filled with integrity. No matter how many emotional obstacles I have been met with, I have never felt like giving up because I had you to fight for now.
You have the love of two families coming your way; myself and your daddy are doing everything we can to work together to bring you up securely. So many people tell me they've never known so much love and excitement for an unborn child.
So now when I wake in the night, instead of being filled with vulnerable thoughts, I just imagine the moment I have been waiting for; your skin pressing onto mine, kissing your soft forehead and thanking you for being mine.
I will love and protect you forever.