06/01/2014 09:28 GMT | Updated 08/03/2014 05:59 GMT

Borrow My Love

Borrow My Love.

Recently, I was chatting with a friend of mine & she told me that she'd signed up to walk other peoples dogs. Strange as it initially sounded to me, I rather fancied the idea of it. You simply go online, sign up, pay a small annual fee & then wait to be matched with a cuddly canine. Everyone loves dogs, right? The only domestic animal that you can goof around with and you know they're having as much fun as you are. The only furry companion that will give you as much, if not even more, love than you give them. Hell, many pooch pamperers see nothing wrong in sharing a bed with their pet! Someone to keep you warm at night. Someone to give & reciprocate love with. Someone who answers back with something unintelligible, but you accept your own translation from it. Someone who wants to share everything with you, even in the form of loud & stinky bottom burps. Dogs are ace. Now, have a look back at what I've just said and tell me how many of those attributes you could associate with in the form of a human relationship? Yep. Pretty much all of them. Back to that shortly....

Excited by the thought of looking after, nurturing and going on long walks with a furry friend, I had a look at the lovely dogs on offer. There's loads of beautiful breeds, each with their own detailed personality description & availability. Bit like a dating website. That's when it struck me. Like a lightning bolt.

Upon a quick bit of research amongst my fellow friends who were also members of the site or interested in it, I realised we all had something in common. We're all in our 30's & single. That's when I started questioning our true reasons for signing up. Are we doing it so we don't look weird walking in the park alone? Are we doing it in the hope that we'll meet a potential love interest whilst out & about with our borrowed friend? (Yes, guys, I mean you. Everyone knows a hot man and a Pug is an intoxicating combination!) Maybe we're doing it out of the goodness of our hearts, to help other animal lovers out. Or are we simply bursting at the seams with love, and no one specific to give it to? I feel it may be the latter. Giving a dog lots of attention, going for walks, playing fetch & feeding them ensures undying love from your hired hound, thus rewarding you with a godlike status. A little bit of love shared between us & mans best friend will fill the average human being with enough feel good bubbles to last a week. Best of all, unlike a tricky, failing relationship, you get to give them back without heartache or losing half of everything you have.

So, we may be single, in our 30's & with no sign of marriage, babies or even a relationship on the horizon, but do you know what? No thanks. I'll take a friendly lick on the face & picking up poop over a one night stand & baggage. You can keep your awkward first date dinner for 2, I've got a platonic play date with a Dachshund.