06/09/2011 18:22 BST | Updated 05/11/2011 05:12 GMT

If I Could Have any job in the World ...

What would I be if could have any job in the world ? Perfect decadent escapism for a morning... I would be -

An artist!

Hanging out in the streets of gay Paris in the summer months and splitting time between London and New York in the winter months I'd not wake up until the afternoon every day.

I'd casually stroll the streets in the afternoon looking for 'inspiration darling' , stopping at coffee shops where I would sit outside smoking hand rolled cigarettes of dubious quality. Fuck knows may be I'd even get into Jazz - though I can't imagine it if I'm honest. In the evening s I'd be invited to all the happening parties where I could talk utter bollocks to people who would gawp at me in adoration between coiffing glasses of expensive red wine .

Then there'd be the exhibitions ... my works of art hung up for all to admire - even a canvas with a single line on it would be revered and I'd stand round telling anyone who'd listen that it's a 'statement of ironic post-apocalyptic satire on canvas' and they would all nod because if I said it then it's a FACT and inwardly they would marvel at my wit and charm.

Living the hedonistic bohemian dream I would rent a little studio in a grotty but classical building in the centre of the city, high up with amazing views when I could express myself. I would spend hours there every day drawing sketches of attractive naked young men. Of course being the true bohemian artiste I would have to have meaningless sex with them all afterwards so that I could really 'become one' with my work. I would suffer this for 'my art'.

As you can see I have thought about this a lot - probably too much if I am honest!