11/08/2011 06:02 BST | Updated 10/10/2011 06:12 BST

Mammasaurus Poem #1 - Mothers Ruin

I shout but no one listens

I call but no one cares

But rustle a bag of crisps

And they'll come bombing down the stairs.

I cook but get no thank you

And iron and hoover too

But open up some biscuits

And they'll say 'I love you'.

And when their noses snotty

And the snot radioactive green

I'm the lucky bugger

Who gets to wipe them clean.

I read 6 stories every night

And then I get some cuddles

But after that I'm back downstairs

Tidying their muddles.

It's a never ending battle

I know I'll never win

And that's why every other night

You'll find me drinking gin ;)