The 4,205 followers* of my daily blog can't all be wrong, can they?
That's a much higher number than persons-in-the-street approached by opinion pollsters, so I think we can safely assume they represent a cross-section of the general public. All the more so if one accepts that the afore-mentioned blog is not the work of a footballer, political commentator or celebrity chef, but is written by a nobody.
So it's probably time I started an e-petition, calling on parliament to debate a pet peeve of mine.
Er... I know, let's go for banning the tumble drier. After all, these power-hungry, greenhouse-gas-emitting monsters are helping ensure the destruction of the planet, making their owners de facto perpetrators of global genocide. Besides, they are totally unnecessary: laundry can, and should, be dried on lines, horses and radiators.
I therefore propose to initiate a petition to Outlaw Tumble Driers by Reinstating the Practice of Hanging Out Washing on Clothes Lines. In order to gain as much publicity as possible, the campaign will be universally known by the shorter, catchier title: Bring Back Hanging!
(* Update: that's now 4,209 followers**. The silent majority is on the march.)
This is not as ridiculous as it may seem. I was astonished to discover recently that there are millions of Americans who are not allowed to hang out their washing. Apparently the sight of sheets or smalls billowing in gentle zephyrs is a market indicator. The value of a property can be reduced by as much as 15%, according to one supporter of this preposterous notion. Quite how price-fixing real estate actuaries quantitively evaluate snob factors is not known.
Perhaps I should put the question to those urgently wishing to bring back the death penalty.
Has the level of informed debate in this country really fallen so low? Are we, as a nation, so driven by thoughts of revenge that we can't think through the consequences of irrational decision making? Do we seriously have to take seriously anyone wooing petitioners by presenting opinion as fact? Would all advocates of the death penalty sit happily in an electric chair if they were perchance found guilty of a crime they didn't commit?
And why is there this assumption that acts of violence against police officers merit tougher punishments? Shouldn't there be something in the small print about newspaper vendors unlawfully killed on their way home from work - you know, just to show we British still have a sense of fair play.
Meanwhile, I can sit here at my desk, warm and dry, do a bit of clicking with a mouse, and convince myself I am making a difference, that my voice is being heard, and how thrilling it is to live in a democratic country. Meanwhile politicians can pat themselves on the back. As Sir George Young puts it:
"Rather than hope the issue will go away and duck it and avoid it, I think it's right that the House of Commons should address the key issues that people are worried about at home. And e-petitioning makes it much easier... for them to tell us what they're worried about and what they want us to do about it."
(** Ooo! It's up to 4,216. Is this what's called 'going viral'?)
I shall email all my friends about Bring Back Hanging immediately. Give them something to do in case it rains. The target's only 100,000 e-signatures. Easy-peasy.
Must have been three or four times that many on that march back in March. Imagine going to the bother of getting to London and back, making banners, and having to do all that walking. I don't recall the government paying any attention to that particular petition. Perhaps too many people turned up.
Anyway, it's very exciting knowing we can now exert so much influence from our laptops. I can't wait to get started.