Apologies are back in the news. After Mr. Murdoch's very public "sorry" at the weekend, the game has been upped. All of our expectations will have been raised: where we have been let down, we will expect no less.
But saying sorry isn't easy. Bernie Taupin wasn't kidding.
Before you get anywhere near saying anything at all, there's a lot of weighing up to do. Sorry implies guilt and potentially liability. And that can cost money. So you'd want to know how much and to whom it might have to be paid.
And paying out because of liability can upset other people besides lawyers: shareholders, staff, customers, and investors. Apologising to one person can upset many more. You can so easily start a trend.
Once you've understood those implications, you need to think about the questions that can be begged by a simple sorry. Often in day-to-day life, we'll say, "sorry - it won't happen again". But uttering those words can make life very complicated indeed.
It means understanding fully what happened in the first place. Who did what, where and when and with whose authority? It's a promise that the things that failed won't fail again. And it's stamped with the imprimatur of the person issuing the apology. A lot can ride on an apology that fails to deliver.
Sorry creates the opportunity to offer an explanation. We all do this. "I'm sorry I'm late - the traffic was terrible." Here, we can either take responsibility or lay off the blame. The best apologies are those where the blame is grabbed with both hands. "I'm sorry. This is what happened. It did so on my watch. It won't happen again."
But admirable though this approach is, it's a once-only option. If you have to keep saying it, then maybe you're in the wrong job.
Too much
All of this can be a bit much for some organisations. Some opt out altogether. They say nothing and wait until the froth subsides. Some make it impersonal. "This organisation offers its apologies...". Might as well not bother.
Some try the non-sorry sorry. "We are sorry you feel hurt by our actions". On its own, that's a real kick in the teeth. It's not actually an apology at all but a recognition that people feel things.
And others use forms of words that put a distance between people. Listen out for phrases such as "I deeply regret" and such like. Rhetoric can bulk out space and remove awkward silence but if it fails to connect one person to another, then perhaps it's being said to the gallery.
The choice of apologist is equally important. Organisations can side step responsibility by choosing someone low ranking. But if the buck stops at the top, then the apology should come from there.
Real apologies virtually laugh in the face of the above. They happen when people who should have known better look at the chaos over which they have presided (either directly or indirectly) and realise that all they can do is say sorry.
Those sorries are real. They exude emotion. They can be tearful. They are humbling - to both the giver and the receiver. They are best delivered in private to the people who have been damaged by your actions. They feel awkward, painful and they level the powerful.
They are the human acts of people realising that the very least they can say in such circumstances is utter words that desperately need to be heard: "I am very, very sorry."