It's happening. The thing I thought couldn't get any worse is, in fact, getting worse: my hair is getting thinner.
It wasn't always like this, in fact I was born with a thick head of hair, which had even started to make its way down my back - "hello baby gorilla".*
*FYI the back hair has well and truly gone.
Nowadays, after years of straightening, blow drying and washing it daily, my hair is rebelling in the worst kind of way - it's thinning out. Big time.
Here are nine annoyances I encounter on a daily basis:
1) Slug Ponytails
I envy the women whose ponytails look like a big bushy squirrel's tail. Especially as mine resembles a measly brown slug. Yuck.
2) Tiny Buns
Have you ever tried putting the thinnest slither of hair into a bun?
You end up with something that is completely ridiculous in size that looks more like a hairy growth of some sort rather than a hairstyle.
(Oh how I envy this illustrated woman with thick lovely hair...)
3) Battling Static: All. The. Time
Oh wispy locks, how I do love it when you defy gravity and float up into the air.
Looking like I've been electrified is just what I want to deal with every damn day.
4) Want Curls? It Ain't Happening.
Oh how you dream of having luscious, bouncing curls. But let's face it, as soon as you've curled those limp locks (regardless of the kick-ass hair tools you use) those unruly strands are already on their way to becoming the straight, drab bits of hair that you've come to know (and hate).
And this is regardless of how much hair spray you've poured onto your head. Ugh.
5) It Gets Everywhere
It's like the Roman Empire of the hair world: on your clothes, on your carpet, in your next door neighbour's mouth.
6) Sometimes It Even Attaches To People
When the hot guy goes in for a kiss and your hair somehow manages to get all up in his beard? Yeah, that's not the one.
Cue awkward detachment.
7) Hair Grips Don't Work
Your hair is so thin and slippery that even the clips designed to keep it in check don't want to play ball.
And, inevitably, they end up everywhere too, just like your hairs.
8) Despite Your Best Efforts, It Never Looks Shiny
No matter how much Moroccan oil you slap on after every wash, your lifeless shitty hair still looks, well, lifeless and shitty.
Let's face it, it was never going to look as glossy as Penelope Cruz's.
9) It's Bankrupted You
Ever spent £10 on shampoo? I have. And guess what? IT DIDN'T WORK.
*Buys a wig*