The results are in. And it's bad news for you. It seems that when it comes to Your Favourite Issue, you're plain wrong.
It's been proven - scientifically, mathematically, philosophically AND via repeatable experience - that your position on Your Favourite Issue is simply worse than the alternative.
Those people you were arguing with on Facebook all afternoon? They were right.
We know you care deeply about Your Favourite Issue. You've been campaigning for so long, always excited to passionately debate on social media, over family dinners and to anybody in earshot who looks like they might listen.
You're convinced that if only we all listened to you then the problem of Your Favourite Issue could be solved forever.
It's a real shame that it's turned out you were misled.
The evidence is unbiased, undeniable and compelling. We now know for sure that if we do what you say then the world will be worse.
Perhaps not by a lot. But it's beyond a doubt that the other options are better. When it comes to Your Favourite Issue it's a certainty that if we listen to you there will be more suffering and less happiness.
While this might be demoralising, it probably shouldn't be surprising. After all, on every issue there are two sides. Or often more.
We know that at least one group of people arguing about Your Favourite Issue - and every other issue! - must be wrong.
It's just that in this case it's you and your allies that are in the wrong.
We all know that at least some people are mistakenly pushing for ideas that will increase net suffering. They don't know that's what they're pushing for, of course. Like all of us, they believe that their ideas are the most helpful.
It just so happens that on Your Favourite Issue we have finally been able to conclusively prove that your position is the least helpful, and that we all must listen to your political enemies on this one.
I'm sorry I had to break the news to you. Changing your mind is painful.
But morally speaking, you have no option. You have to reverse your position on Your Favourite Issue and agree with your former enemies.
Take heart: they may still be wrong about everything else. Being right once doesn't make anyone an oracle. But they were right about this issue that was so dear to your heart.
Now the net happiness of the world depends on you swallowing your pride, accepting the unmistakable evidence and changing your mind.
But will you be able to do so?
This post was written from a parallel universe where they've discovered how to accurately predict the consequences of all decisions. Sadly for them, they're no better than we are when it comes to changing their minds in the face of contrary evidence.*
* Which I refuse to believe anyone ever does, no matter how often I see them do it.
Image: Creative Commons. 'Facepalm', courtesy of Brandon Grasley on flickr