Tales From the Middle of Nowhere: The Good the Bad and the Bubbly Pt 6

Now then... What's happening? Out or nowt? Probably nowt eh? So I get to Korea... South Korea to be precise... Seoul in fact to be exact. I do f**king LOVE that place and here are a few reasons why:

Now then... What's happening? Out or nowt? Probably nowt eh?

So I get to Korea... South Korea to be precise... Seoul in fact to be exact. I do fucking LOVE that place and here are a few reasons why...

I'm met by quite a few fans at the airport after a deeply unrelaxing 13 hour flight... Has anyone seen that film Birdman by the way? If you haven't then don't... You're not missing much.

I'm given a present in a large bag which had drawn on the front: FUCKing AMAZing PRESent...

It was a painting of our Liam... AMAZing indeed!!

Managed to make it to the hotel just before a quite spectacular electrical thunderstorm. I had a sensational view from the 32nd floor... Good gear!

The last time I was out there it was my birthday and the kids really did push the boat out. This time they outdid themselves... It would seem everyday is my birthday in Seoul!!

The gigs were just unbelievable, not for anything I did I might add, simply because those fans are truly incredible... very special... seemingly mostly teenage girls (which is nice). Not quite sure what I've done to deserve that at such a late state in the game but... nice one!

The screams are fucking loud. You have to hear it to believe it. The synchronised hand waving is psychedelic, the singing is breathtaking and on top of all that they la, la, la all the guitar solos and brass parts. Not to mention the entire crowd singing Live Forever word for word, note perfect, in the gap before the encore!!!! I wish you could experience it, it really is summat else.

So sadly we leave on Easter Sunday. We head for Japan. The flight on Korean Airlines takes about an hour and a half. Very uneventful. The perfect flight. We get to immigration to be greeted by huge signs saying: SPECIAL INSPECTIONS TO PREVENT TERRORISM... It takes us two hours stood in the same queue inching slowly towards a counter that is literally 20 feet away... The flight was an hour and a half! It was brutal. There was some old Hitler-esque woman randomly shouting "mister you no push in!!!". At no-one in particular I might add... Just as I get within one person of actually getting through to the other side a Korean Air Stewardess appears out of nowhere holding what looks like a black clipboard, walks up to me and shows it to me without saying a word. I'm not sure what the fuck is going on at this point. On 'the clipboard' is a post it note with some random numbers written on it...K175-2c??? She's looking at me... I'm looking at her... There is a long silence...??...??...??...??

"Sir is this your flight number and seat number?"

"Erm..dunno...KEV!!!???"(Kev is my security guard and yes it was my flight number and seat number)

"You left this on the seat next to you."

It was my fucking iPad which I hadn't even realised I'd lost and this lady had gone out of her way and somehow managed, after 2 hours I might add, to find me in amongst a mob of angry tourists. Do we think that would have happened at Heathrow or anywhere else in the western world? Oh I think fucking not!!

People of South Korea.

You are amazing.

Your presents are fucking amazing if a little weird.

Your enthusiasm for a tune is unbelievable.

Your synchronised hand waving should be made into an Olympic sport.

Your air hostesses are angelic in the extreme and your devotion to barbecued meat stuffs is exceptional... (Do NOT tell Morrissey I said that!).

I love you very much.

You currently find me in the great city of Osaka... pissing down.

Keep it livid yeah?



PS:today I will be mostly listening to Outcast by The Animals... get on it


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