02/05/2012 13:09 BST | Updated 02/07/2012 06:12 BST

Tales From the Middle of Nowhere (Vol. 2): The Next One Was Fully Booked Leaving Me Stranded!

Yes comrades, it's been a while eh? Lots to tell so let's go all the way back to Vegas.

That day was a fucking nightmare. Iree Nancy and our 2 princes had arrived in Los Angeles for a little holiday so I decided to fly to Vegas on the day of the gig. Not something one would ordinarily do as it can be fraught with danger. So... got to the airport on time, checked in and all that, sat around for two bastard hours until some cunt announced that the flight had been cancelled!!

Not to worry though thought I, we still have plenty of time. We'll just get the next one... can't we?? Nah... the next one was fully booked leaving me stranded!! Had to negotiate trying to get my bags OFF the airplane that had been cancelled only to be told that they'd already been booked on to the flight after that!!! So... had to leave my bags at LAX and hire a car to drive me SIX BASTARD HOURS through the desert to try and make the gig! The scenery was incredible and I did get to stop at a Burger King (I ain't been in one of those joints for YEARS!) which was nice... don't tell the wife though!

Was supposed to be onstage at 9pm. Didn't arrive until 9:35. Walked straight in and onstage at 9:40!! Felt like Elvis... that may have been the burger though?!?! Great gig. Lots of Brits, so it was a good laugh. There was a few roly-polys in from Yorkshire. I know that because they kept chanting "YORKSHIRE,YORKSHIRE..." at every available opportunity. I bet their ex-wives would've been most proud!!!

Up early the next morning to drive six hours the other way back to the Coachella Festival again. They have it on twice now see? By the time we got there it was 114 degrees!!!!!! ONE HUNDRED AND FOURTEEN DEGREES!!!!!!! Holy fucking shit balls?

The gig went pretty much the same as the previous weekend. The night itself followed pretty much the same pattern. Not as chaotic but right up there all the same.

Drove back to LA the next day not feeling great. Spent the day discussing what we could remember about the night before which in my case was virtually nothing. Good job Nancy had her shit together or it could well have been consigned to the dustbin.

The next day I had a video shoot for my new single. That'll be the fifth off this album which is unprecedented in all my time making records. This album is fast becoming my Thriller!! I played the part of a slightly hungover grumpy northern taxi driver which is just as well as that's exactly what I felt like. I feel it's some of my best work and most definitely worthy of at least one Bafta. That actress Mischa Barton was in it too. Nice girl. City fan would you believe!?!?

You currently find me in Sao Paolo in the great nation of Brazil. Been on holiday the last week. In a place called Laguna Beach. Paradise. Home of the most over-rated band in all of music... The Beach Boys. Nice gaff though.