Tales From the Middle of Nowhere (Vol.2) - The Night I Got My First Bra Thrown Onstage

25/01/2012 12:19 GMT | Updated 26/03/2012 10:12 BST

22 January - Gold Coast:


Well the gig in Auckland was well good. It was my first ever festival and I'd forgotten how much I like them. (Well, not my first EVER, but you know what I mean.)

Got down the site early to see them rock 'n' roll soldiers Kasabian. They were somewhat predictably very fuckin' good indeed. Immaculately turned out. Well stylish!!!

The morning after, whilst in a mad rush packing/eating breakfast, I had a brilliantly funny scene with a hotel employee in my room. I won't go into it here 'cos it won't look good in print, but it was classic Laurel & Hardy gear. I'll tell you next time I see you.

Met some woman at the airport yesterday who comes over asking would I do a photo with her husband...

"Aww, go on", she says. "It'll make his day, his mates are always taking the piss out of him 'cos he looks like you!" Charming, eh? How does one refuse that request?

I sat next to a priest on the plane! Dunno why that warrants a mention, but it does. A real fuckin' priest. He had the full rig out on and all... Mega!!!

Bar one petty criminal birthday boy, Customs and Immigration was negotiated expertly. Arrived here on the Gold Coast late yesterday evening (I said Gold Coast, not golf course!!).

This hotel is a nightmare. It's a proper blimmin' holiday resort. Full of fat people in towels. Hell on earth.



25 January - SYDNEY:

Yes well... been out of the game for a couple of days. Not sure if I can remember all of what's been happening. We shall see...

So... where were we up to? The Gold Coast, I believe. That Big Day Out gig was pretty good, as I remember. It fucking pissed down though! Like a proper Biblical downpour. Fuck that! Come to Australia, they said... It's their summer, they said... What a load of old bollocks.


There are many similarities between this place and old England, festival weather being one of them... What a fucking swizz. I even got my shoes muddy watching Kasabian... An outrage!!!

Legged it straight off stage back to the hotel to watch Man City - Tottenham. We made hard work of it, but we got there in the end. Super Mario rolled in the winner with about 10 seconds left. What a druid that kid is.

So then... I had my own show here in Sydney a couple of nights ago. A truly great gig. The best one of the entire tour, no doubt about it!!! They do like a sing-song down here. They was loud and proud...

Gotta say though, it's a night that will live long in the memory for another reason. That being the night I got my first bra thrown onstage!!! I was so proud, and the young lady should be too, if you know what I mean? Made me feel a bit like Tom Jones!!!

Met up with some old comrades from my well spent youth at the Hacienda. Tall tales were told and shit was talked into the small hours. Not sure what time 'time' was called, but I do know it was pissing down when we left!!!

Woke up yesterday with a naughty hangover. Felt like a dead shit. It was still raining. What the fuck? Didn't do much. Stared out the window watching the rain. Reminded me of being on the dole back home in Manchester in the '80s.

It's Chinese New Year. The Year of the Dragon. My eldest son will be pleased. He LOVES dragons!

Went for a Chinese last night at a place called Marigold... Marigold??? What an odd name for a Chinese restaurant, no?

Anyway, as we were waiting for a table, that band UB40 walked in...

Well I say UB40, it was deffo the singer cause I spoke to him. Not sure who the rest of them were, they deffo weren't the same firm that was on Top of the Pops in the '80s. Then about five minutes later, in walks that singer and top dreadnought Billy Ocean!!! Caribbean Queen, and all that? No? Google him. Top food. Maybe some of the best I've ever had, and I've had a lot.

Woke up this morning... STILL FUCKING RAINING. Got another day off.