18/11/2011 10:49 GMT | Updated 18/01/2012 05:12 GMT

Tales From the Middle of Nowhere (Vol.2) - Paparazzi, Los Angeles and a Dog Named Noel

Yes comrades... What up?

Well, they were 2 great nights at the Beacon in NYC. Yet another beautiful old theatre. Really stunning. Met some wildly enthusiastic fans. One or two were very intense. Someone actually squeezed my arm so much it fuckin' hurt!!

I met people from all over the blimmin' world and was introduced to a little dog called Noel, who had been "named after you, man!", the owner said, shouting at me. (Hmm...thanks for that).

There was also a proper young lad down the front at one of the shows. I swear he couldn't have been more than 10 years old!!! He was waving a little placard that said simply, "DREAM ON NOEL". I hope he was accompanied by a responsible adult.

Didn't get that messy in the end. My party wings have been well and truly clipped by this singing malarky...singing's rubbish!!!

Landed at LAX last night and was pounced upon by one of those TV crews that hound celebrities. Not that I consider myself one of those types, but you know the kind of thing I'm on about, right?

Anyway, this tool was persisting in asking me silly questions. Here's an example...

"Do you like LA? What do you think of Katie Holmes? Did she give you the cold shoulder? What do you think of Tom Cruise?"

(For the record I FUCKIN' LOVE Tom Cruise.)

"What do you think of Scientology?" And bizarrely, "What do you think of Morrissey? he the greatest 'Man-chew-nion' ever?"

Also, for the record, Frank Sidebottom is the greatest Mancunian ever.

I'm currently back at what has become a very familiar residence for me of late. I spent the best part of three months here while I was recording and mixing the HFB album. I met royalty here!!! The King of Tonga, no less!!! An actual king!!! Have I told you this story? It's too long to go into here, but I've dined out on it regularly.

The sun is shining. All is good.

See you at the gigs, if you're coming. There at the Royce Hall. I'm on at 9. Do not be late.

In a bit.


Noel's tour diary is published in full at

See also