20/04/2015 16:50 BST | Updated 20/06/2015 06:59 BST

Tales From the Middle of Nowhere: The Good, the Bad and the Bubbly Pt 8

noel gallagher

Now then... What's happening? Anything exciting? No? Excellent!!!!

I didn't bother sending regular updates from Japan as the days to tend to be quite similar over there... MITHER, FUSS, MITHER, FUSS, PROMO, FUSS, SOUNDCHECK, MITHER, MORE PROMO, MITHER AND FUSS, GIG, FUSS AND MITHER, HOTEL, FUSS, BULLET TRAIN, MITHER, MITHER, MITHER... repeat. Didn't seem any point bothering you with it.

Here then is a quick round up:

Every day is the same... hassled in hotel lobbies... chased through train stations... arrive at the gig... marvel at the latest brass section... There was one particularly shit mob in. Can't remember now but they were awful... funny almost.

Some guy at one of the shows had a placard held what said: "WHAT COLOUR UNDERPANTS ARE YOU WEARING?". I'd like to say the crowd were stunned into silence when I told them I don't wear underwear onstage, but as it was quieter than a comedy club that Madonna's doing stand up at (did you see that thing? Holy shit balls!!) I'm not sure anyone noticed, least of all me!

Been given some truly wonderful gifts by that mob. Not a day goes by that someone's not thrusting something or other at you shouting "GIFT FOR YOU!!" or "GIFT FOR SARA!!" or "GIFT FOR YOUR CHILDREN!!"

Bless you and thanks by the way if any of those people were you.

I did get a bit concerned when someone give me this bag of... stuff. In amongst it was a box with, what I would describe as, quite shouty Japanese writing on it. Being curious and all that I decided to open it up and see what was in it. Turns out it was individually wrapped little mini chocolate bars. BINGO!! I put the kettle on and sat down to sample the delights of yer oriental fun size snack. I'm on about my 3rd little shouty chocolate things when I start examining the box and I notice that underneath the shouty Japanese writing is, written in shouty English, "The legend: BLACK THUNDER!!" Black thunder? I'm thinking... Oh fuck these better not be laxatives!!

The lad with the placard followed the entire tour with different variations on his original sign, at least I think it was him... My favourite being him holding up a sign with just a pair of underpants drawn on with the words: "WHAT COLOUR ARE THEY?" He was obsessed!

The interviews were as you might imagine... Unique I think is the best way to put it.

Someone asked me about our "upcoming erection?"... 'Scuse me? Who gives a fuck about that anyway? 79% of the fiscal this...2.4% growth of the annual that, spend, cut, borrow, lend, build...blah, blah FUCKING BLAH. Say something radical you utterly contemptible bastards.

Sorry about that. Where were we? Yes... Tokyo, The Budokan, a great way to end the tour... two nights.

Excellent shows. First night was my favourite. The sun even came out. Lovely!

Japanese fans you are without doubt the most strangely strange yet oddly normal people in the whole world.

Thank you for everything... until Fuji Rock... SAYO-FUCKIN'-NARA!

You currently find me at home, alone, in our kitchen. Nancy and the two princes have gone out for the day to a safari park. Even the cat's gone out!!

The silence is deafening... bit like in Osaka!!

Keep it livid yeah?


PS:on that tour I listened mostly to:

Sunday Shining by Finley Quaye.

Cymbeline by Pink Floyd.

Lunatics Lament by Kevin Ayres.

Everybody's Got To Clap by LuLu.

Going My Way by Paul Weller.

Just One Time by Juicy Lucy.

Work Your Body by Moonbotica.

Guöngyhaju lány by Omega.

Get the fuck on that lot!!