You are on a date with a gorgeous stranger who you think is a gift from heaven. He is, at least for now, picture perfect.
Then he starts to open up (that's because he likes you) and says something that makes you feel uncomfortable or you find strange. The barriers are up.
For the rest of the date all you can think about is: "Why on earth did he say that?"
At the end of the date, the guy is baffled.
You? Confused why he still didn't text you three days after the date.
While we, women in particular, are famous for preaching what we can refer to as 'good standards', i.e. be kind, don't judge, be nice, and be attentive. We, women, are not the best at practicing what we preach when it comes to dating.
The minute the word 'date' enters our mind, the barricades are put in place and judgment... the worst of its kind. Why? We can't face being hurt yet again.
The emotional pain is so much harder to deal with than physical. We'd shy away from the opportunity of a lifetime without a hint of a hesitation.
And while we find it completely acceptable to practice for a job interview, train for a marathon and attend yoga classes to improve out flexibility; we find it out of order to practice our 'dating'. We think 'The One' will magically appear when the time is right. Such little details as that you have to be also emotionally and physically 'available' when 'The One' is at the porch of your destiny, somewhat slips our mind.
The very availability that you blocked from your potential date by raising your barriers up at the first spike of panic.
What can you do to increase your dating chances?
Yes, as in physical training, you simply want to keep practicing dating. Here are a few tips to get you going:
- Once you are ready to meet your Guy That's Worth It, make space for him in your life and in your diary. Even while you are still searching for him, the time you are supposed to spend with him together, in the not so distant future, should be devoted exclusively to the activities that you'd do together. If nothing comes to mind, then spend that time concentrating on crafting your dating profile and the dating process itself.
- Find a dating workshop, that's longer than one day. While there is a lot you can learn within one day, it's the support that you need during putting all that knowledge to practice. Many women find dating an excruciatingly painful experience. While some will put on a brave face, the reality is, everybody gets hurt even if a little bit during the search process.
- Work on your confidence, not arrogance. There is a fine line between the two. You can be polite, calm and confident. Or, as you've noticed from some guys, when they try to impress you they sound aggressive. And that's because they lack confidence. Ensure you don't appear to make the same mistake.
- Women often rely on chemistry when it comes to dating, and as a result, it is uncommon for women with less confidence to fall into the trap of a guy, who is better at selling himself. Women often think it was chemistry, when they simply were infused by the guy's ability to shine, only later to be disappointed. Therefore, if a guy seems to be interesting and makes you laugh, yet you feel no chemistry whatsoever - give him another chance or two. Guys also raise their barriers when it comes to the first date, hence the luck of real chemistry on the first date.
- Keep dating. Online and off-line. You'll meet many new people who may end up becoming your friends... or... end up introducing you to their friend who is your real match.
And if your friend says that she only had one date... and she knew he was the 'The One'. Chances are, she doesn't want you to know how many frogs she had to kiss before that one date.