We study at school everything, from mathematics to literature, from biology to physics. If only we were also taught how to build a long lasting relationship with another human being. There is of course psychology, but that doesn't provide any of the future adults with any real life solution. There is no textbook that tells you what to do when a guy cancels a date on you at the very last minute. There is no dictionary that contains the term to describe and equally explain the emotions you feel when a guy who was clearly showing signs of interest in you, suddenly vanishes to the point that he is more reminiscent of a unicorn.
Of course, your family is considered to be the real tutor in such a sensitive subject as a relationship, but then given the growing myriad of single parents the truth is we know less and less about something that can potentially lead us to that magic feeling we all crave to achieve: LOVE.
To ease our suffering and provide us with the elusion that love is only a touch, or a selfie away, the mobile dating apps are working hard to compete for our attention.
Of course we are all familiar with Tinder. It is simple to the point that even married people who would like to spice up their boring life or those who are convinced that the grass is greener on the other side can use it without any worry of getting caught. On Tinder we can judge people on their visual appearances that makes it all too easy. An opportunity for love or to love, depending on your most urgent needs, can be really just a 'Yes' away. Not to mention a quick confidence boost you receive when you get a 'match' on your screen, should you feel down from the fact you've been single for far too long.
And of course the newbie, somewhat unfinished crossbreed 'Tinder meets Grindr', known as Happn. It really presents you with a list of people near you (250m radius to be precise). In fact youngsters adore the app and I already got a recommendation from one of a 24 year old man telling me "Tinder is for old people. Now Happn is the real deal."
But no matter how many dating apps will come and go, they really are not going to provide you with what you seek if you can't keep your dream date when you find one. Because the instantaneity of the process gives no real chance to build a bond to last long enough to find out more about the person who potentially could be the one. There are of course the exceptions: 'ordinary' Kate did marry her Prince, my late husband did propose to me after three days of knowing me, and a couple I know did fall in love at first sight on a busy Jubilee line during the rush hour. We all know those are rare cases that become stories that feed other people hopes, that those stories are not a rule. How many Princes, that are available, do you know of? How many men are crazy enough to surrender their heart to a stranger (albeit the circumstances were very romantic) on the third day? And how often do you look into a strangers' eyes during the rush hour? Most play movies or games on their androids to keep their gaze tacked safely away.
And yet, if you are a dreamer like most of us and you really believe a tall handsome stranger on a white unicorn with a trust fund, ok perhaps I am pushing it, but definitely someone along your dreamlike description is a click away, here are three key points to support you on your journey:
- When it comes to photos, your intuition is the last thing you want to listen too. Often people forget how impressed they were by an actor playing a hero in a movie they like and the fact that image is stored in their memory for many years to come. Any moment a face you see that is reminiscent of that heroic actor, your mind will produce similar emotions you experienced when watching the movie.
- When we go on a whim, we make poor choices, because we rely on our chemistry that I often refer to as a hormonal imbalance in our system. What do I mean by that? If you weren't physically touched or appreciated in a while and your confidence levels depend on the fact whether this stranger finds you attractive or not, you are emotionally vulnerable and overly available. You are not making a rational choice because your bodily (and emotional) needs do take over.
- It's just an app. Don't be disheartened when two weeks later, the excitement has worn off and you get less and less people getting in touch with you. Treat it as only one of the outlets which you use to find the one. Consider traditional routes of dating, or widening your friend's circle that may lead you to introducing to the one. Because one thing is for sure: you never know when you'll meet the one.