So I have been sat here trying to think of witty/interesting/engaging ways to do this. However, after being sat here for the last twenty mins I've realised that I am in fact just searching for excuses not to make this post. A post I may add that I was originally going to do months ago but didn't have the guts to do. You see I am shit scared about making this post and shit scared about sharing this part of my writing, as its something I feel like I've failed in.
For those of you who don't know, I wrote a book or at least chapters for a book. I then had an agent wanting to sell my book to large publishers as she thought me and the book were the next big thing in the parenting market. I had a TV company interested in me and asking me to host a tv show based on the realities of Motherhood. It felt (for a while) that I was right, that I was not the only woman out there wanting something different, something real and something honest when it came to discussing Motherhood.
I was wrong....
All big publishing houses despite loving the writing and the idea of the book felt me and the book were "too risky" or "too real". One of the biggest opportunities and knock backs rolled into one, was when my book was pitched to the marketing team of a hugely well known publishers, for it then to be rejected...Heartbreaking yes....gut wrenching even more so as two of the team were pregnant with their first babies and were quoted as saying that there were "some things, we would rather just not know when going into motherhood."
At the time, thanks to suffering with severe Postnatal Depression and Postnatal Psychosis I took these criticisms lying down - usually in a dark room filled with self doubt (thanks to my PND) whilst wondering who the hell the dark demon was that had been sat on my sofa for the last week (thanks to my Postnatal Pyschosis). Not a great place to be when trying to launch a writing career and looking back now with the beauty of hindsight, a totally ridiculous thing to think that I could handle being dropped from a great height when also trying to battle a mental illness. But hey ho, that was the situation I was in, the cards I'd been dealt and God knows how, but I somehow rolled with the punches and got through it all. By getting through it all I really mean that I stopped kidding myself I was a writer, boxed up the book and put it on the shelf of things that were never going to happen.
HOWEVER, I am now out the other side of my illness and my response to that marketing team in their sparkly, swanky offices in the big smoke telling me that I am too much of a "risk", that my writing is too "real" and and that women would rather go into motherhood with their eyes closed is "BULLSHIT!"
You see, I've just come across the chapters and I have to admit that yes it is real, yes it is spikey in parts with some bits making even me feel uncomfortable with how raw and honest they are. However, it is a book that I felt (and still feel) needs to be put out there in some form as it talks about all areas of motherhood in an unashamed, no holds barred manner that I know I was crying out for when I first became a mum. Through the fuzzy haze of new motherhood, I wanted and needed something that would make me stand up and take notice, a book that was different to all the others found on the shelves as it was real and unapologetic if some of the words used or topics covered were a little too close to the bone or made people a little unconfortable when reading. In my knackered mum, heart of hearts I also believe that other mums feel the same way too.
So to hell with it....so what if I didn't get the glossy publishing deal. So what if I don't have tens of thousands of followers. So what if my youtube channel is pretty shit AND to hell with if I am "too risky" an investment and my book is "too real" for the big shiny publishers!
Therefore, in true Baby Bible fashion I am going to share it with you all anyway. Oh yes, I am putting the motherhood book deemed "too real" out there, in all its warts and all, unedited glory. As you know what? If it makes just one mum out there feel less isolated, less like they haven't got a clue and gives them a laugh amongst the tantrums and the dirty nappies then me feeling a bit scared to publish it and admit my failures in the publishing world has been bloody worth it!
So here goes.....Over the next few weeks I will be publishing sections of my book, "The Baby Bible: The No Bullshit Guide to Motherhood" for you all to read - hope you enjoy it and if not, don't worry as it won't be gracing the shelves or the tv screens near you anytime soon!
To read the first instalment of the parenting book too risky and too real to be published click here