How To Succeed At Karaoke

There comes a point in everyone's life when they have to make an important decision: which song to sing at karaoke.

There comes a point in everyone's life when they have to make an important decision: which song to sing at karaoke.

Unless you're an X Factor finalist, in which case you should have got the art form all worked out, chances are you're not a natural on stage so in the name of reducing embarrassment to a manageable level it pays to have one song prepared in advance.

That means that when a drunken colleague is clamping your hand around a microphone and shoving you in front of the teleprompt or when a competitive housemate dusts off the Singstar mic and shoves it in your face you can shout out your chosen song title and escape with the majority of your dignity intact. Probably.

Some key points to help you (and your audience) out:

  1. Britney is deceptively difficult.
  2. Mariah is near impossible.
  3. If you're even considering Whitney you've had far too much to drink and ask get a friend to help you into a taxi.
  4. If you can dance, distract from your voice with your stunning moves.
  5. Avoid Guns N' Roses unless you are prepared to do extensive air guitar performances.
  6. If you know you genuinely can't sing, pick something that no-one alive can resist singing along to. Sweet Caroline or Don't Stop Believing (if you can still stand it) are your best bets. That way everyone else's voices will drown yours out. Hopefully.

Personal tale ahoy:

I cannot sing, but I did learn all the words to Wild Wild West by Will Smith while at university meaning I can get by in karaoke emergencies without having to sing a single note in tune. I can also deliver the song as a monologue - something which once impressed my sister on a long car journey and then upset her as she realised exactly how long the journey was and exactly how long I was prepared to recite for.

So! Having followed our advice, the only problem you should be left with is that successfully navigating the first round of songs means your adoring public may demand a second performance.

I am dealing with this issue by learning all the words the The Bad Touch by The Bloodhound Gang but you can either exit quietly/triumphantly after your first song or be prepared to join everyone else in a rousing rendition of Barbie Girl.

Tune optional.


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