17/12/2015 12:53 GMT | Updated 17/12/2016 05:12 GMT

Dave, We Need to Talk: Your Fossil Fuel Problem Is Affecting Us All

Dave. We're so happy you came.

Please take a seat, just over there, in the circle.

I know it must be a shock to see us all here, in one place. But we're here because we love you. We want to talk to you about something.

We need to talk about your fossil fuel problem.

Don't leave. Please, just listen. For once.

This is hard for us to say. But it's gone too far now. We honestly wanted to give you one last chance.

In Paris, you really seemed to mean it. You swore you'd go clean.

But you couldn't even make it for four days, Dave. Not even four days. Not even for the people closest to you.

You're back on the drills already. You're fracking in our national parks. Our areas of outstanding national beauty. Dave. How did you become so desperate?

You said you could stop using fossil fuels any time you wanted. You said you could leave it alone. Or at least cut back. You lied to us, Dave. You lied to yourself.

Dave, please don't interrupt. I know it's hard to hear. But it's our turn to talk.

We've heard this all before. You said you'd be the greenest government ever. We believed you. You hung out with huskies. We believed you. Time and time again. You put a wind turbine on your house. We believed you. We wanted to believe you.

It was just for show. We see that now.

Paris was for show too.

You promised, Dave. This week - this week - you said our planet was secured for generations and generations to come. But fracking leaves marks. Did you really think we wouldn't notice?

There are programmes which can help these days. Renewables. They get you off fossil fuels. And they're really cheap. I know your mates call it green crap. But they work. We promise. They work.

We want you to give them a try. It'd hurt us all a lot less in the long run. We want you to do it, Dave. We can help you to do it.

It's OK to cry. We know this is emotional. We're all here for you.

We know. Your mate George got you into gas. And Boris with his glue. We know. You fell in with the wrong crowd. It happens. But you have a problem. We can smell the oil on you right now. Come on, Dave. It's not the time for it. You know that, deep down. It's 2015.

You don't seem to understand. These decisions don't only affect you. They affect the poor. They affect the young. They affect the Philippines and Bangladesh, and so many other countries and communities.

That's why we're here, Dave. That's why we need you to go clean. We're begging you to go clean.

Your fossil fuel problem is affecting us all.