11/11/2014 10:48 GMT | Updated 09/01/2015 05:59 GMT

Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: "Mama Mean-a"

We need to talk about Mama Joyce.

I don't remember her ever being this mental before. From what I recall she used to turn up from time to time at Kandi's events with an ever-changing hairstyle to give advice (or the side-eye) to the other Housewives. It's not that I don't like Mama Joyce; I do think she's batshit cray, but she is also the best thing about this episode. Her reworked version of "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" was a personal highlight. If I was Kandi I'd get that out as a single immediately. Nothing says smash hit like drunken slurring on top of a dance beat. I mean, it worked for Kim Zolciak ...

This season Mama Joyce seems to have an issue with anyone who comes between her and her daughter, or more specifically, her daughter's money. She hates Kandi's friend Carmon because apparently Carmon is having an affair with Todd. I'm with Joyce on this one, but not for the same reason. I hate Carmon because her hair irritates the hell out of me. I'm all for a nice dip-dye, but Carmon looks like she had an accident with the bleach while cleaning Kandi's bathtub.

From what I can gather, Joyce's biggest qualm is that there aren't enough pictures of her in the house, and too many of Todd's family. I would call her juvenile if I hadn't just yesterday complained to my mother about the exact same thing. Honestly, I think the only reason Mama Joyce doesn't like Todd is that she sees him as a threat. Without him in the picture, she becomes the sole beneficiary of Kandi's songwriting and dildo fortune.

Meanwhile, self-appointed Queen NeNe took a trip down from her pedestal to grace Cynthia (and the supermarket) with her presence. With the way NeNe was acting, it was like she had never been in a supermarket before. I was always a fan of Nene, but she's beginning to grate on me. Are we really meant to believe that she is a fabulous actress for playing herself on numerous television shows? At this point, the only thing bigger than NeNe's ego is her teeth.

The scenes with Phaedra and Apollo were delightfully awkward. You could tell she just wanted to smack the shit out of him the whole time. When he came over to the car to wish her well on her trip, she acted like he was some crazed fan. I'm surprised she didn't take the opportunity to plug her brand of stun guns, Phaedra Sparks (I'm not even kidding).

Can we all agree that Phaedra's study group needs its own spin-off? From Big Booty Amber to the girl who looks like she'd rather be getting embalmed than spend an extra minute there, it has all the elements of a hit. That one guy-Bush-was terrifying though. He got all animated when they were discussing autopsies, and he was dressed like Twisty the Clown's dapper cousin.

Where was Porsha in this episode? She may have been in it, but I tend to nod off slightly during her scenes. I probably didn't miss much. Porsha's scenes follow a simple recipe: two parts divorce, half a cup of cleavage, a sprinkle of gay jokes about her ex, and a generous helping of eye make-up.

Other thoughts:

  • Kandi, those camouflage trousers of Todd's are enough of a reason to get rid of him.
  • Peter's interrogation of Noelle's 'boyfriend' was a beautifully crafted moment of awkwardness.
  • How does Cynthia manage to look so consistently gorgeous?
  • Kenya's new house looks like the setting for a horror movie about someone who is possessed by a demon with bad taste.
  • I want to rub Lawrence's bald head for good luck.

Next week promises to be one for the books: Mama Joyce goes crazy (again) and threatens to beat up Carmen. In public. I can't wait.

P.S. If you think Mama Joyce was crazy this week, wait until you see her at the reunion.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta continues next Sunday at 9pm on ITVBe.