The Sauvignon Queen or King
Clean, crisp, fresh and fruity this is your tried and tested 'go to' vino. You hate to think how many bottles of The Ned you have personally recycled this year but if you had shares in the winery, you'd be smiling. If it ain't Sauvignon you ain't interested and when it comes to Sauvignon, New Zealand is your country of choice. As I said, fruity...
White Wine Mentalist
Maybe it's because it is just so damn easy to drink white wine like water but it does tend to get you in a bit of a pickle. The likely reason for white wine behaviour is the sheer volume drunk although there are higher levels of sulphites (a wine preservative) in white wines than red. People rarely complain of a dried fruit hangover/reaction/bad behaviour however ....
Sip and Sleep
You don't know what it is about wine but it makes you so damn sleepy. Mellow reds and soothing whites just make you want to curl up on the sofa with a book or a movie and then pootle off to bed. If you want to stay awake however and be social, I would recommend bubbles. Not a bubble bath but sparkling wine. The bubbles get the alcohol into your blood stream faster so serve as a nice little pick me up and fizz is usually relatively lower in alcohol.
Fiano, check. Grüner Veltliner, yes please. Funky wines from volcanic soils around Etna - count me in. Orange wines, sure. Biodynamic - only on a fruit day and 'natural' wines - can't get enough of them. You know your wine trends, what is going on and want to sip and savour as many as you can. Your local independent wine merchant is on first name terms with you (you even got a hug when you got back from your recent travels) and you regularly go to wine tastings and enjoy pilgrimages to wine regions on holiday and discovering small artisan producers to that you can bring bottles back home to share with your friends.
The Label Junky
You love an icon wine and your hero is Robert Parker. Burgundy and Bordeaux get you in a bit of a tizz and you regularly buy wine en primeur. You do love drinking wine too but you really, really love collecting it and storing it in your cellar. Hobby, obsession, passion - good wine shops are like good book shops, you want to caress the product, read the back label, take it home and put it on a shelf.
Smoothly does it
Mellooooooooooooooooooow, that's how you like your wines both white and red. Spicy, smooth and with subtle oak nuances you love lightly oaked Chardonnay and smooth, medium to full bodied reds.
The Bargain Hunter
Likely to only buy a wine when it is on promotion and not terribly keen on spending more than £7 on a bottle. You love a glass of wine and drink most nights but you scour the supermarket aisles for 'good deals' and tend to buy two sorts of wine 1) big brands where you know you like the wine and wait for it to go back on promotion again before buying it and 2) brands and wines you don't really recognize but will give a whirl as they are 'good value'.
The Bolder The Better
Flavour - check. Massively high levels of alcohol - check. Pokey tannins on the finish - check. There are wines and then there are WINES. Big shouty wines that are bold and full of bravado and swagger. You want to see those legs on the glass as you swirl it around and anything under 14.5% is just wimpy.
Red is Best
A bit of fizz now and again is one thing but rose and white wine - no thank you. Maybe it's the acid. Or the fact it's cold. You just like red wine. Any red wine from light and delicate to big and bold but it has to be red. Perhaps because you are a White Wine Mentalist or perhaps because you like your wines The Bolder The Better but either way Red is Best.
Arguably closely related to The Bargain Hunter this is you if a) once home in the evening after work b) the kid(s) are in bed c) it's limped past 6pm and is just about socially acceptable you mark the end of the 'work' day and herald the start of the 'me' evening by pouring a glass of wine.