Having it all is possible, desirable and perfectly OK. If anyone tells you that you can't have it all - run a mile from them. You can have exactly what you want on your own terms without hurting or offending anyone or anything else you fear will happen when you get to have it all.
Of course the beauty of having it all is, that your 'all' is different to mine and the next woman.
- Work out what having it all means to you. Not knowing what you want is probably the most significant reason anyone doesn't get what they want. If you waver, it could be this, oh no maybe that, or perhaps this, then time to get clear. Getting clear does not make you miss out it gives you something to aim for rather than being in indecision mode AKA inertia.
- Controversially for me, I am adding this: Say YES to yourself. I say controversially because I am unsure of who says NO to themselves in truth and it is a bit of marketers ploy. However the YES I think is important is simply to know you can have it all, which ultimately will drive all your other YES and NO responses.
- Stop giving your time away to others before you give yourself time. If you don't develop a you are worth it attitude and that means making time for you, how are you going to let yourself have it all or anything for that matter?
- Stop trying to fix 'others' including your relationship. It doesn't matter that this is considered innate or maternal or that we want to blame our upbringing. Fact is it is not your job to 'fix' others, think for them or second guess what they might need to feel happy, safe and supported. Nor is it your role to fix your relationship. It is a shared responsibility and if your other half is not playing nicely, reasonably, adult-like or compassionately or something else that makes you want to fall into, what can I do to demonstrate I am understanding and willing to put my happiness second to prove my love, then stop. It is that simple. Ask yourself instead why do you fear the loss of this relationship and what is the worst that can happen if you are on your own and are you willing to let go of the fear.
- Ask for what you need! So obvious, but when was the last time you asked for help from those you grumble about in your mind as being takers or never appreciating what you do for them?
- Stop doing things for recognition or appreciation. Everybody likes to be thanked and recognised for their contribution. Yet when it doesn't happen, there comes the resentment. The resentment may appear to have an outward focus but it is pointing internally to you. Do things because you love to or not at all. Self-created or otherwise obligation is a great big can't have it all barrier.
- Hang out with women who inspire you. Now your friends might inspire you because they can down pints while standing on their head, a great skill in some places I am sure. However what I am talking about is the kind of people you are inspired and motivated by for other things, like work, humanitarianism, go-getting qualities and are doing something you know you would love to do, create, experience etc. Ways to do this join a decent networking group, not the type who tell women you must be feminine, girlie, and loving to your man, not that there is anything inherently wrong with that but, you want to join a networking group that empowers you to be YOU whatever you choose. Don't go for Girl Guides for grown-ups, it's great when you are a kid but not when you are a woman .
- Seek out women who inspire you and work with them. Get a mentor, get a sponsor, get a coach. Work with women you admire, read their books, blogs, go to their events and pay them to support you. Women who get what they want understand the value of support. Community = getting what you want. Isolation=telling yourself reasons why you can't get what you want.
- Start affirming you can get what you want. Affirmations are magic wands. They change your energy, your subconscious and unconscious and these 3 things often drive us to where we don't want to go because they are on free-fall and not managed by us.
- Act as if. This is where women fear as well as judge other women. Acting as if is not quite faking it till you make it, well not the seedy part of that. What it truly means is act in alignment with the woman who does get what she wants...and with a heart that is big and compassionate. When you think of a woman who gets what she wants if your mind conjures an image of Joan Collins' Alexis in Dynasty, you have got some major fears about being a woman who thinks she can have it all. If on the other hand you think of Mother Theresa, or some other woman who really modelled having it all in accordance with their own desires, then well done. Either way though, you have to start acting as if you are that woman who has it all. What kind of decisions would she be making? What would her boundaries be? How would she deal with her emotions? Having it all doesn't make you a bitch or power crazed woman, there I said what you are probably fearing if you have read to this point. Act as if that heart is as big and wonderful as you choose and you also get what you want!
What end else would you add to this list? What are your thoughts and fears about having it all?
About the author
Sarupa Shah is an award-winning entrepreneur and mentor. She is the founder of The Soul Agency, working with entrepreneurs and leaders to instigate real change in our approach to modern life; putting consciousness back on the agenda. Sarupa speaks, coaches and runs workshops and study programmes across the globe which inspire people to tap into their own inner power. Sarupa is a published author of the no.1 best seller - The Art of Affirmations and The Heart Centred Entrepreneur (both available on Kindle via Amazon)