12/02/2016 10:46 GMT | Updated 12/02/2017 05:12 GMT

Five Steps to a Valentine's Day Full of Love: Work on Yourself to Work on Your Relationship

Valentine's Day is here and you might be frantically thinking about how to show your loved one you care. Or perhaps you're waiting with excitement what they will do for you to surprise you. There's nothing wrong with either of those scenarios - unless you start to let your expectations influence the happiness and love you feel.

The challenge of Valentine's Day is that it encourages you to romanticise love. Yes, relationships should bring more love and fulfilment into your life - but it shouldn't be the only thing bringing those things to you. A relationship is at its best when it's made up of two, happy individuals who are just as loving towards themselves as they are towards their partner.

If you start to expect your partner to bring all the love and happiness into your life, you're putting unreasonable expectations on them and adding a dangerous level of stress to your relationship. Especially because in the end about 90% of how happy you feel is determined by you yourself.

That's why this Valentine's Day I encourage you to work on your relationship with yourself. As you become more loving towards yourself and more confident in who you are, your relationship will naturally improve as a result. Your positivity will even make you more attractive!

Here are five steps you can do to boost your self-love right here right now:

  1. Dress to impress. This starts with the first layer on your skin: your underwear. No more worn out panties or mismatching lingerie sets. You've got to dress to impress from head to toe. As for the layers on top, don't obsess about wearing what's in fashion but wear what makes you feel sexy and confident. You know your style so own up to it.
  2. Have good posture. Make an effort to always stand up and sit up tall. This will not only improve the confidence you feel but also your focus, alertness and creativity. As Amy Cuddy recommends, you can jump start the process by doing the Super(wo)man pose for two minutes and you'll immediately feel bolder.
  3. Give out compliments generously. This random act of kindness will not only help the recipient feel good, but also boost your confidence too. By appreciating other people's good qualities you're demonstrating you're comfortable in your own skin. When this spurs into compliments towards you, say thank you for them and write them down. Then when you're having a rough day you can look at all your saved compliments and lift yourself up again.
  4. Smile. It's the best thing you can wear. It naturally activates feel good hormones in your body which boost your happiness, confidence levels and attractiveness.
  5. Wrap up your day by spending two minutes writing about one thing you did well today. This could be anything from putting a great outfit together to winning a new client to cooking a new dish. It's entirely up to you. As you turn this into a habit you'll start to appreciate your best intellectual, emotional and physical qualities more.

In the end of the day, happiness and love comes from within. The more you work on becoming happier and more loving within yourself, the more love and compassion you will have to share with the world.

Sign-up to a free happiness newsletter at for more insights like these, and grab a copy of Screw Finding Your Passion to learn to love yourself wholeheartedly.