I, like you, gain weight when I'm depressed. I comfort eat. I comfort drink (alcohol). I crave carbs. I loathe exercise.
I spent more time in the dark than outside in the light in 2014.
But, one thing I've learnt from two or three 'down days' in my life. While your instinct may be telling you to batten down the hatches, take to bed, and ignore all calls, that's not going to make anything better. To get better, you have to get up, be brave, and honest.
That means admitting what you've done on those down days, and asking for help.
It's hard, I'm not going to lie. Admitting to your friends and family that you are not coping well, that you ARE struggling, is hideous. But once you admit it, it is a weight off your shoulders, pun intended. And how can you expect people to help you if you can't be 100% truthful with them? It's hard for you, but it's hard for them too.
Full disclosure is the only way.
Giving up drink gave me a week-long hangover that was the most hideous thing of my life. I was shaking, throwing up, hallucinating, having nightmares... I was also having flashbacks to all the silly things I've done while drinking over the past couple of years. I was drenched in cold sweat and shame.
But I got through it, downed several pints of water, laced up my trainers and started walking.
I also kept up the full disclosure honesty ... First to my parents, then my best friends, then my ex-boyfriend ... And I learnt to forgive myself because I found that people have in their hearts the potential to forgive me too. Not everyone, of course, but the people who matter.
They say that demons disintegrate in the light of day... in my experience, that is true.
Rob Kardashian's sisters have rounded on Adrienne Bailon for speaking out about his cheating ways; but (and I am a Kardashian expert) I'm 99% sure he admitted that himself on the episode where Kim weds Kris Humphries.
I get family loyalty but don't pretend someone is infallible when they are not. Owning your mistakes is one of the most powerful things you can do in life. He cheated; she left. Action, reaction. It's the past but before you move on, learn from it.
My friends have given me a lot of tough love lately and I'm all the better for it. I've cried a lot but I've learnt to work through my feelings, rather than mask them with alcohol or food or lies. I've recognised certain 'triggers' within myself and stopped myself before I've gone too far with frustration, boredom and stress. I've also done a lot of baking - it's very therapeutic
"My anger, a lot of it stems from the working environment, because they all put this cloud on me like I'm a loser," Rob said once. "I blow up later because when there's a business opportunity, all my mom obviously cares about is the three girls."
I understand his frustration but there will always be frustration, boredom and stress in your life; how are you going to manage it? I don't have the answer I'm afraid. But for the sake of all that love you, at least try and find something that works for you.
Love, Suzi x