THE BLOG
23/07/2013 08:03 BST | Updated 21/09/2013 06:12 BST

Big Bang Star Avoids Adversarial Divorce

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Unlike many Hollywood celebrities, The Big Bang Theory actress Mayim Bialik allowed her divorce to be a quiet affair. The star, along with her husband Micheal Stone, quietly finalised their split in May 2013, evenly dividing their property.

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So how do you avoid adversarial lawyers during divorce?

Taking responsibility for the journey you are on, being clear on what outcomes you want, and not letting your emotional state be used against your interests, are the key steps to take.

It is very easy for anger and emotional pain to make someone an easy target for an adversarial lawyer, promising financial success that disappears in a flurry of lawyers bills, and where even the revenge of winning a court battle turns quickly sour when the true costs - increased bitterness on both sides, damage to the children - poison a future that could have been much healthier, and less expensive.

You are usually better off talking with a financial planner to test out various long-term scenarios, getting some quality coaching to help you focus on a positive future, and using mediation or collaborative law to support you creating a sustainable settlement. Free initial consultations are available from many experts online so let Google be your friend and remember that information is power.

The best way to avoid wasting money on adversarial lawyers is simply to take time to talk to other experts who can empower you:

  • You are in charge of this divorce - don't hand over responsibility to anyone else
  • Access the wealth of free information available and get your life on track
  • Don't tell yourself "I'll deal with that after my divorce" because dealing with that financial, parenting or lifestyle issue needs to be done now, not later
  • Keep your spirits up. Nothing feeds adversarial divorce more than depression, exhaustion and repressed anger.

Finally, the way that helps most of us stay away from court battles is simply looking at our children, and putting their long term psychological and emotional wellbeing at the forefront of our minds every day.