08/10/2013 08:31 BST | Updated 07/12/2013 05:12 GMT

Video of the Big Five Divorce Myths - Busted! Number One...

This is the first of five Divorce Myths that I wanted to bust in this short video.

How to divorce amicably is a sensible question, and so I provide in this divorce advice video key information to help you:

  1. "We didn't want it to get nasty, but we couldn't stop it becoming adversarial"

True or false?

I'll give it to you straight. The common denominator in adversarial divorce seems to be adversarial lawyers. No matter how much you want to "break up right - please don't fight"™, once you start giving over responsibility to the divorce process to traditional family lawyers then communication often breaks down, and the process can become adversarial, expensive, and very slow to resolve. This is why it is vital to clearly understand your choices from the start.

For example, if you use mediation, you only need to use solicitors at key points for some independent legal advice including turning your final agreement into something that a court will recognise and accept. If your want lawyers all the way through the process then use collaborative lawyers - you won't be able to go to court and the process focuses on direct communication, not expensive letters flying backwards and forwards.

If you really want an amicable divorce, then it's up to you to choose the right people to help you, and the first divorce lawyer you interview may not be the right person for the job.

The best way to stop your divorce becoming adversarial, is to:

1. Take responsibility for the process and don't keep blaming your Ex

2. Talk to people who share the same vision: to save you money, stress and harm to your children

3. No matter how horrible your Ex is right now - they were OK to start with so they will be again. Give it time.