The Blog

The Trouble With Pornography

I have had boyfriends in the past who were so addicted to watching porn that real sex didn't turn them on at all. They would seriously rather wank over something on their computer screen than fuck a real woman, something that I could never understand.

Yes, this is a problem mainly concerning men. Some women do watch porn too, but it doesn't seem to become an all-encompassing obsession like it does for men. How many times have you heard a man complain that his wife would rather watch porn than have sex with him?

Then there were the ones who thought that 'porn sex' was real sex, when it's not. One boyfriend was surprised that I didn't have an orgasm while giving him oral sex. He's seen women moaning away in porn while sucking a cock and thought that the act alone would turn me on so much that I would orgasm on the spot. He didn't understand why I wasn't moaning away like the women he watched on screen. It took a while to explain to him that they were acting, and were probably thinking about what they needed to get for dinner once filming was over.

He also didn't understand why I was annoyed that the blowjob was the entirety of that evening's sex.

"Did you enjoy that?" He asked, after he had blown his load into my mouth, genuinely believing that me giving him oral sex would be so mind blowing for me that I would somehow orgasm from the amazing experience of sucking his cock, because that's what porn had taught him.

I can always tell if the man I am having sex with has watched a lot of porn. Within minutes I know that they are just copying what they watch on screen because that is their only reference to what a sexual relationship is. They are usually quite rough, because women in porn are rarely treated gently and act like they love it when they are obviously very uncomfortable, which men take to mean that all women like rough sex. That's if they actually think about the women at all - porn is usually very male pleasure centric, and usually, men who watch it feel like they are the main attraction and give no thought to what their partner actually wants.

They are almost always, in my experience, obsessed with wanting to perform anal sex. As women receiving anal sex in porn is so commonplace, there are a generation of men who have grown up thinking that women want to be shafted in every hole possible and get pleasure from having a penis in their rectum. For most women, anal sex is far from pleasurable, but for men who watch porn, the fake moaning and groaning of a woman being anally penetrated tells them otherwise.

What is it with men wanting to shove things up women's bums? Fingers, penises, sex toys. It's like a bizarre obsession, like they have to put their precious penis into every hole they can think of.

Yet if you say to a man, "Yeah, you can fuck me anally. But first, you bend over and let me fuck you up the arse with this dildo" they would run a mile. Why do they think women want anal sex if the idea of if being performed on them is so horrifying?

Just because a woman takes a penis in her vagina, it doesn't make her anus any different to theirs.

With one exception, the sex I have had with men who watch a lot of porn has always been dire, which is why I think there are a lot of women who have a problem with their partners watching porn and get so angry about the issue.

It's not so much an anger fuelled form jealousy (even though that's part of it - constantly wondering if they would rather be getting off looking at a skinny woman with fake boobs rather than you is not great for self esteem). It's fuelled from frustration and anger and the feelings of, "Why should I put up with crap, unsatisfying, infrequent sex because you would rather sit in front of a screen and get off to women who look like sex dolls with rubbish make up jobs, and are only pretending to be having an orgasm?"

Feeling crap because you don't enjoy having a penis shoved deep into your throat until you gag, or constantly being pressured to have anal sex just because your partner wants you to act like the women he watches on screen, who are, you know, acting, is really off putting.

So is the fact that a lot of men who watch and extreme amount of porn can't orgasm without a death grip on their penis and aren't used to cumming with a real life woman in the room. In that situation, you are always left with the nagging feeling that you, or your vagina, mouth or your hand just doesn't do it for them. You never quite feel good enough which leads you to compare yourself to the women on screen even more.

It all builds up to make a pretty ugly picture and creates a lot of issues around sex in relationships. Women often fake orgasms to make a partner feel better about their sexual prowess, but men seem to think nothing of making a woman feel not good enough sexually.

Sadly, there is now also a generation of young women who think that sex in porn in the norm for a sexual relationship, and in their desire to please men they play the part and it perpetuates the myth even more.

You know when a child watches a horror film and you go to great lengths to tell them that it's not real? Men should be told that about porn. They should be told that a woman doesn't orgasm just from touching a penis, that it takes time to turn a woman on enough for her to want to be penetrated, that women don't want to just be fucked like they are an object.