Before you decided to start dating someone new you naturally ask him or her questions like - what's your profession, what are you looking for in an ideal partner, and how long have you been single? Well to answer the latter I've been single for 8 years... yes you heard right! And in my recent dating experiences when I've texted my crushes' telling them this fact it's normal meet with a long silence followed by... Why???
Well, over the last 8 years I've been through a lot of personal change from losing 12st to embracing my natural Afro hair, even starting a Business. I've been busy and even though I was lonesome the time I took for my own spiritual and physical growth is something I'd never regret or give back. I thought to myself let me become the woman I want to be before I meet the man I want to be with! Now I'm ready to start dating again, however I'm currently running a Youtube channel, Blog, Business, and going regularly to the gym, like many who turn to internet dating, it's hard for me to find the time to meet new people. So I joined an online dating site and have had some of the oddest, funniest, infuriating and hopeful dating experiences ever.
Would I recommend you try online dating if you're single and haven't? - Yes I do, at least once! But a word of warning... things may not always be what they seem online, and after 8 years out of the modern dating scene I had a very rude awakening - from learning how to dodge unwanted dick pics, to understanding what Netflix and Chill really means. I mean you'd be forgiven for thinking the world of singletons in 2016 is full of hyper sexually frustrated people furiously swiping left and right, each with their own back catalogue of nude pics prepared to press send.
It took me a long time too to realise culturally people don't have long phone conversations anymore, they text... which is so strange to me as someone who dated in the 90's. But not only do people not talk anymore... we can't successfully text either, I mean the amount of my witty, flirty messages that have been lost in autocorrect translations alone leaves me saddened! When did we lose our flirt 'game' is my question, because sexting is a fun act whilst dating not an introduction!!!
It can be rough on these singleton streets, so I'm gonna share my Golden Rules of online dating with you and for anyone, like me, who's looking for a serious relationship. Now I do understand there are exceptions to every rule I could make, but here are a few I've evolved along the way that have prevented me from ending up dating a dud!
For even MORE Golden Rules watch my latest episode of #RealTalk.
Beware Of...
The One-Picture Wonders
ALWAYS be suspicious of someone with one grainy profile picture, one professional picture, or one picture with them wearing sunglasses! In my experience these people are often, in order, sexual deviants, catfish - please remember you can and should Google search profile pictures, and lastly those who wear sunglasses in dating profile pictures = cheating scumbags... as I've sorely learnt!
The Over Sharer
Open people who have interesting things to say in their dating profiles are fantastic. However for me people who have any more than 7 pictures and 3 paragraphs show signs of narcissistic behavior, saying that if not all their pictures are selfies or topless/ bikini shots then maybe its safe to introduce yourself. For instance a few selfies and then holiday/ friends or family pictures are a great balance. But beware as their description box may still contain minefields like paragraphs and paragraphs of endless rambling about what they do and don't want. I actually once counted 10 extremely long paragraphs on one guy's profile, which included a full biography, now I like a man to share and be talkative but Damn... Daniel!
The Under Sharer
Like the over sharer be wary... Lazy online daters i.e. those that fill out their dating profiles with. '....' or 'Tell you later' or 'gjejnrljkfn' are people who I feel aren't at all serious about finding love, or can be as I've found anti social and sorry to say boring. Lazy dater can too = lazy lover, and yes a lot of lazy daters happen to be Hotties ... dating glitch! Perhaps they rest on their looks and lack personality, or a more serious flaw a lot of them seem to be closed emotional books, and there's a thin line between mystique and suspect.
The Kik Username
If you ever happen across a great looking profile, with great profile pictures and a good description that also has the person's Kik username in it then ... RUN, RUN AWAY NOW! Unless you want to add to your back catalogue of unsolicited dick pics. In some unknown anomaly dick pic bandits seem to congregate there... You've been warned!
The 'Hi Sexy' 1st Message
This rule took me longer to figure out as firstly who doesn't like to be considered sexy, and secondly because just like the Kik user "Hi Sexy" comes camouflaged in normality. The 1st message or introduction on a site can be awkward at the best of times... 'Hello ☺', 'Hi', and 'How are you' all harmless introductions... but are too generic. Spice or wit is good but I've learnt to be very wary of those that have started the conversation 'Hi Sexy!' or the many vulgar variations... like 'I'd ruin you' ... Yes a guy's opening message to me said that! Simply put the colour of the relationship can be determined by its start. 'Hi Sexy' for me often only leads to sexy chat, followed by a request for sexy pics, see a trend here. It can be tricky to figure out if they only want sex but it's easy when you listen out for the right things... do they ask you questions about yourself or just about your body and what you're currently wearing?
Now this is all just my opinion and if you like a one picture wonder or an over-sharer then go ahead and introduce yourself because they could be the one for you! The main thing to remember before embarking in online dating is 'just stay safe and protected', do basic google name and image searches before you meet the person, and meet in a public places at 1st.
My Final Rule is... dating is rough online or off but don't give up on Love, it's out there and will be knocking on your door sooner than you think... Here's hoping right!
Happy Dating X