We are now stepping into the 'late' side of the twenties and are just a World Cup away from 30. We're at age where you get asked what you want from relatives, if your birthday falls on a Monday your main concern is getting other people to drink with, and your Facebook wall is littered with generic posts of 'Happy bday babe' from people who probably don't even know which city you now live in. However as the number annually rises, it's become apparent that there are some things *mum voice* "you just never learn". We discover more every day, but here's a rundown of our top eleven...
1. If someone warns you off a game because it is insanely addictive and they haven't slept for 3 weeks DO NOT "try it" as you think there is a chance they are being melodramatic. Our first lesson of this was the Lion King on the Sega Mega drive - FYI that level with Scar and all the bones cannot be passable...we tried for two years. Lisa has recently just been swept up by the fruity colours of Candy Crush and can be seen at all hours punching the air after a 'Sugar Rush. Disclaimer: do not download it to find out what a sugar rush is.
2. Setting multiple alarms is futile as the snooze button is best mates with your laziness. This friendship does not count as an excuse to your boss about your tardiness and will ruin your school reports and job references.
3. If you know you cannot go to a mates birthday/event the answer should always be 'no' as soon as your asked. "Yeah I'll see what I'm doing' then an apology 'double booking' text on the day never goes down well.
4. Despite what your 4 year old self is telling you, cards are lovely things to receive and are always appreciated.
5. Always do the dishes straight after you eat, leaving things to soak for a few hours will always result in them being there for 3 days with immovable crust and stains.
6. Fellow passengers will ALWAYS find it fascinating when you do your make up on public transport. The stares and whisperings at your 'transformation' simply aren't worth it.
7. You do not need to purchase every product in Boots for your holidays, the chances of you needing that 'athletes food powder' are slim to none.
8. There are never ever stamps in your purse or wallet, despite you swearing blind staring at the letter box that you'd seen some there yesterday.
9. Having 'One for the Road' is a myth and saying I'll never drink again is generally always a lie.
10. Woman's toilets are ruthless, ruthless places. Example conversations:
"But my unborn child is dancing on my bladder"
"Yes we'll I just danced around Marks and Spencers with my legs crossed, so you're not taking my space."
"I know you're applying your entire make up bag to your face in slow motion, but please may I get into the sink to wash my bacteria ridden hands?"
11. Boys are still icky. That suited, suave immaculate guy will be trumping in your bed eating a Ginsters pastie and slurping Fanta from the bottle in no time. At 90 he will still find his own flatulance funny. Fact.