17/01/2017 11:18 GMT | Updated 18/01/2018 05:12 GMT

Where Trump's Parents Went Wrong

So at present we've got President Elect Trump fighting with most of the US press, fighting with some of his own party and all of the Dems, ("sleazebag political operatives" were his exact Twitter words), falling out with the Russians, picking fights with the Chinese, and Tweeting about Meryl Streep and of course, Hillary Clinton.

Doesn't the phrase 'choose your battles' come to mind? You know, the one we use when dealing with tantrum-throwing toddlers and teenagers. His parents obviously forgot to drum that one into Donnie's little skull, and thus, my list of parenting misses committed by Mr. and Mrs.Trump - 

Choose your battles - Trump's parents clearly encouraged Donnie's red-faced rages when they forgot to teach him which battles just weren't worth his attention. A few sessions of: 'now Donnie, is this really going to enhance your profile, win friends or influence people?' might have spared us a tirade or two and probably added a few years to the orange one's lifespan. He claims to sleep 3-4 hours per night but you'd think all that tirade-ing would tire him out. 

Know your subject - Trump assures us (daily) that he's the best builder and brander there ever was, and although he's typically closely inspected by the tax man, (wink), I'll let that one pass. What mom and pop forgot to tell him was that you should know something about every area you wander into, no matter how casually. He demonstrates all-too-often that he has no working knowledge of The Constitution, the US political system, or international matters. One wonders exactly what they taught him in those fancy schools. (And boy, must they be proud right now.)

Don't fib -  Oh dear, where to start? He should have "pants on fire" stamped on his forehead, although the coconut matting would probably hide it. Such is his passion for the half truth (or just no-truth), the Pulitzer-prize winning website Politifact named him their 2015 Liar of the Year. Just 9% of what he said checked out. 

Don't exaggerate - When he's not fibbing, Donnie can usually be heard beefing up his numbers or bigging himself up. Examples include-

 "We are the highest taxed nation in the world." (Not so.)

When asked who he consults on foreign policy matters - "I'm speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain and I've said a lot of things" (Donald - you merely have a brain. Let's not get carried away.)

And unbelievably - "Our problems can all be fixed... but only by me."

Oh and back in June there was "I will be the greatest jobs President that God has ever created". I'll just leave that one there.

Be kind - Again, where to start? Not only is he caught on camera mocking a disabled person, but he has a history of not paying people (mainly small business owners) who have done work for him, often resulting in extreme financial distress for said people. He also has a sketchy record of donating to charities even though he brags about how much he gives away. At the 2016 white-tie Al Smith dinner, where the Presidential candidates typically make fun of themselves, he mocked his wife for plagiarising Michelle Obama rather than taking a pop at himself.

Lovely, isn't he?

Look in the mirror- And this should have been literally as well as metaphorically. Because he's so good-looking (cough, cough) he just can't empathise with people who don't share his facial fortune. When Carly Fiorina was running against him for the republican nomination, he was quoted as saying - "Look at that face!... would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!... I mean, she's a woman, and I'm not s'posedta say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious?"

So yes, mom and pop Trump, you had some serious gaps in your parenting skills and if you're looking down right now, I hope you're as galled as everyone else. 

A version of this post originally appeared at the writer's Expat Mum blog.