This week we heard that an exhausted husband in Mumbai begged a Judge to grant him a divorce because he said he could not keep up with his wife's insatiable appetite for sex. The parties had married in April 2002 and he claimed that his wife had harassed him non-stop for sex ever since. He said that when he tried to resist she would abuse him so that he would always end up succumbing to her demands. He claimed that his wife had given him drink and medication to boost their sex life.
Even though he worked very long hours he said that his wife would still put unbearable pressure upon him. He claimed that she acted cruelly throughout and would constantly threaten that if her demands were not met that she would look elsewhere. Whilst he stated that he begged her to visit a psychiatrist she did not. He made his decision to divorce when in October 2013, after recovering from appendicitis, his wife insisted that they still make love. The Judge on hearing the evidence granted his Petition.
This case has met with pleas of "if only that would happen to me" from many a husband across England and Wales.
Bearing this in mind, Lloyd Platt & Co, Divorce and Criminal Solicitors, have put together the 10 most common reasons why both men and women have sought to divorce their partners during 2013/14 based upon their unreasonable behaviour.
10 most common reasons stated by men against women
- That they have not been provided with enough sex during the marriage and that their wives seemed unwilling to participate much at all after marriage.
- That their wives have nagged at them incessantly or simply will not listen to what they are asking.
- That their wives are persistently overspending so that they have been pushed into overdraft or have lived beyond the family means.
- That there has been throughout the marriage interference by her mother and/or family and/or dominance from her side of the family, which is inappropriate.
- That she has spoken incessantly during the course of any football match or sporting event, to the extent that it has become intolerable (in some cases that during the match she has tried to explain the offside rule).
- That without justification she keeps posting every activity of the family together with pictures on Facebook.
- That she has belittled the husband in front of friends and family undermining all of the contributions.
- That she has persistently without consultation purchased family pets at a great cost, regardless of the financial position of the family.
- That she goes out with her friends several times a week leaving the husband to cook for himself and coming home late without consideration to family life.
- That she always wants to go out when he is tired, having been working all day, and fails to take into account that his hard work has contributed towards the family holidays and expenditure. Also pleads that she should contribute towards the family expenditure by going out to work have fallen on deaf ears.
10 most common reasons stated by women against men
- That he showed her no love and affection and takes her for granted.
- That he keeps comparing her with his past girlfriends so that she is made to feel inferior.
- That he is controlling, demanding and overbearing towards everything she wishes to do so that it is his way only.
- That he persistently tells her that she is stupid, fat and lazy when she is a size 10 and works as hard as he does.
- That he will not assist in household tasks at all around the home, and his snoring keeps her up all night (a problem that he refuses to address) causing her to feel exhausted.
- He expects her to see all of his family and friends but makes no effort with hers.
- That he makes it quite clear that he does not like her family, makes no effort, and is rude towards them at every opportunity.
- He is surly, rude and embarrassing when they have attended parties, family functions or gone out with her friends, leading to less invitations to such events.
- That he is critical of anything and everything that she does, undermining what she says, what she wears, and what she cooks, saying that it is not as good as his mother makes.
- That he undermines all that she does with the children but never has any time himself to spend with them, preferring instead to go to watch football, play golf or go to the gym.
Many clients who come in for advice on divorce believe that they can divorce in England and Wales based on "irreconcilable differences". This is incorrect. In England and Wales the parties can only divorce, based on the fact that the marriage has irretrievably broken down and on five facts including adultery, unreasonable behaviour, two years desertion, two years separation with consent and five years separation.
The Office of National Statistics has long confirmed that the most common grounds for divorce are both adultery and unreasonable behaviour. Accordingly, for so long as this country retains grounds for divorce these two facts remain the most popular, with unreasonable behaviour being far the most used in 2013/14.
Whilst we often hear about unusual cases that come before the Court of unreasonable behaviour, the above are the most common reasons quoted. Each one of them potentially being the straw that breaks the camel's back and forcing one of the parties into a solicitors' office.
Sadly, so long as successive Governments refuse to address the issue of "no fault divorce", the parties will have to put themselves into these categories and, despite television repeatedly referring to parties divorcing on irreconcilable differences - which does not exist here, these grounds will have to remain.
Vanessa Lloyd Platt ©
10th September 2014