Soila is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families.
Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.
She also holds a certification from the National Institute of Trauma and Loss in Children Michigan in Structured Sensory Interventions for Traumatized Children, Adolescents and Parents (SITCAP), has had training in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for Children and Adolescents as well as Eye Movement Desentization and Reprocessing (EMDR part I, II and III).
She is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.
Soila has worked with children and families for over 10 years mainly in the area of loss and trauma (www.helpingchildrencope.co.uk).
Single parenting brings a flexibility which allows going to the cinema on the spur of the moment or indulging in an impromptu picnic. I do not have to check with the other parent or plan events far in advance.
The government is currently attempting to get more couples to use mediation by making mediation information meetings (MIAMs) compulsory before beginning court proceedings. They are also offering a complimentary mediation session to couples where one spouse qualifies for legal aid.
It is important for them to know that you too are hurting because by knowing this and by showing your emotions, you are inadvertently giving them permission to feel the pain and hurt that the divorce process gives rise to and also just to show them that you are indeed human after all.
You will make mistakes no doubt about that. You will say things and do things with your child in the room that you wish you hadn't. Then you will spend time worrying that you have somehow permanently damaged him/her.
I'm annoyed that in this day and age, there are still children out there that have to watch helplessly as their relationship with their father is disrupted, interfered with or even permanently severed just because someone is angry, resentful and vengeful.
I had two children and no family around to help. I had to drop out of courses during divorce number one and had to quit one full-time job during divorce number two and opt for a part-time position that was paying me not only a fraction of my previous salary but that was also mind-numbingly dull.
Divorce will be a watershed moment in your child's life no matter how amicable it is. I often say, that the divorce is in itself important, but what is even more important is how it's handled as this can end up being the primary trauma.
One of the most important bits of advice that I was given when going through my divorces was not to go it alone. It's not worth the hassle and risk to your health and wellbeing nor that of your children.
I don't know why this is. I don't know why divorce still ends up defining who you are while in reality it's a journey, an experience you have been through - it's not you, it's something that happened. Just like being laid off is something that you once went through at some point in your life.
When Princess Diana was going through her divorce and her settlement was made public (I believe it was in the millions of pounds) there was a radio discussion going on and people where calling into lamenting that the settlement was too much and saying that she needs to get a grip on reality.
Having parental responsibility means that you both can make decisions with regards to the upbringing of the child, his/her education and general wellbeing but surely that is a good thing right? For the child I mean, not you.
Tom is dating while under the influence of divorce and until he sobers up, we women will all be matched up with his ex, compared to his ex, treated as though we somehow are capable of morphing and becoming his ex and to be fair, this is a path we all walk down following a breakup.
What is the point of lying to our children about their other parent while going through a divorce? How does that benefit them? I know how it benefits you but forget you for a moment and tell me how your child benefits from this.
Agreeing on a parenting plan can be tricky. Not only does it involve and affect several people but you and your ex-partner are expected to reach an amicable agreement at a time when emotions are running high and conflict is constantly present.
Ok, most of us know how difficult and hurtful divorce can be but when coupled with having to come up with a shared parenting plan, this then pushes the whole experience to the next level. This is when toxic parenting may seep through. Could this be you?
We, as adults and as parents, can and do at times underestimate children's capacity to understand feelings and relationships. Speaking with them and answering their questions as much as possible can go a long way in helping them deal with the situation.
Depending on the age of the child, this moment might be something that they will always remember - the time you told them that you, mummy and daddy, were going to live separately. It is therefore critical that the news is conveyed with caution.
My daughter finished by saying something that we could all apply to our own lives including in divorce and separation situations and experiences. She said, "Lives are full of accidents Mama and we need to learn from them. It would be really boring if everything was perfect and we had ice cream everyday."
03/06/2013 13:06 BST
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