Sofia Metsoviti has unveiled her first range of T-shirts, which bear the slogan “It’s not done if I don’t come”.
Metsoviti told The Metro that the idea for the tees came “from talking with friends and realising that often the female orgasm isn’t really considered”, and she hopes they will promote “orgasm equality” between the sexes.
The designer and her friends are not alone. Last year, Cosmopolitan’s Female Orgasm Survey revealed that 95% men orgasm most or every time they have sex, compared to just 57% of women.
Without a doubt, it’s a topic that needs addressing. But is Metsoviti’s message the right one?
“As important as women’s orgasms are, I think it’s vital that we don’t get too hung up on the idea that the whole point of every sexual exchange is to hit ‘The Big O’, and that if both partners don’t climax, you may as well score the entire encounter a big fat zero,” she said.
“The very act of overthinking about orgasms can cause a woman’s climax to disappear.”
“Most woman can’t orgasm through penetration alone; lots are able to through masturbation but struggle with a partner; and plenty find it hard full stop,” Fox continued.
“It can take time and experimentation to figure out what works for each individual lass, so to brand sex a failure if it doesn’t result in climax-to-the-max from both partners places unhelpful pressure on men and women alike.
“Focusing too much on an orgasm as the end goal of sex can prevent you from savouring the ‘journey’ of lovemaking and delighting in the more subtle and sensual sensations that can flow along the way, and luxuriating in the feelings of closeness and intimacy great sex can bring.
“Orgasms aren’t everything, and it can be unwise to make sex all about ‘finishing’; a healthier attitude might be to make it all about equal fun.”
Despite, this Fox says she applauds all initiatives that start conversations about women’s sexual satisfaction and equality in the bedroom.
“It is crucial that women’s pleasure and fulfilment during sexual encounters receives more attention and regard,” she said.
In fact, creating a discussion was exactly why Metsoviti made her T-shirts. Speaking to HuffPost UK, the designer said she wanted them to “start conversations”, not to add “rules onto sex”.
“The phrase [If I don’t come it’s not done] to me raises the topic of not just orgasms and sex, but female sexuality in general - it’s an attempt to make sex more equal, not to define it,” she said.
“I hope the T-shirts will inspire confidence in women to talk about what they like and what they don’t, to be honest about what they expect from sex and to not be afraid to ask for it.”
Fox cites multiple factors behind the lack of orgasm equality, including “cultural and religious attitudes that tend to prioritise male gratification, a lack of understanding about women’s genitalia, pressure on women to fake sexual enjoyment to flatter their partners, and misinformation coming from porn”.
But the sex expert also revealed there are several projects and movements aiming to close the ‘orgasm gap’.
She suggests trying apps like OMGYes - which shows pictures of real women’s genitals and teaches users different sensual ways to touch them.
Fox is also launching a program with sexual health charity Brook, called Come Tru, which will provide young men with workshops where porn actors explain the difference between X-rated flicks versus sex in real life.
But no matter what kind of sex you’re having, Fox has an important message.
“Please make it safer, as well as more scintillating, by wrapping before you’re tapping.”
She recommends Durex’s new Invisible condoms, the brand’s thinnest ever latex sheaths providing maximum sensation along with protection from STIs.