Mornings. Generally I love them. I am the most irritating of people, a morning person.
Today however I woke up to find depression attempting to sneak under the bedroom door and floor me before I even got started. I will be having words.
The rational, fabulous, experienced menopausal woman would like to address you, default teenager who has appeared unannounced, so sit down, shut up and listen!
You can do it! Yes, you can write, pitch ideas, speak eloquently in public and (whisper it quietly) keep going with the novel. It's possible you could make fair fist of running the country given a chance, you certainly have enough opinions. You don't however have to do it all today. Actually, just make a cup of tea and sit down. Worlds will still be there to be conquered tomorrow.
People like you. You have friends. Make time for them, they are an investment.These friends think well of you, remember you and even pray for you. If they speak about you behind your back it's because they are concerned,or possibly because those shoes really don't go with everything. You are actually quite likeable.
Medication. Not a sign of weakness. Yes I know you just watched the BBC programme about overprescribing but you have a sensible GP who knows you and your circumstances. Some people have not been so lucky. Some people don't make it. Thank Science, God and Big Pharma for synthetic serotonin.
You cannot second guess what other people are thinking about you. Further, you can't control it and it's none of your damn business. Some people don't like you. That's OK. You do not have to be universally liked. It's life, not Miss Congeniality . What would Mrs Pankhurst say ?
Being the universal fixer is a thankless task. Think carefully before taking it on. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Remember being Chair of Governors? Just that. The immigration crisis? Probably not your problem. Brexit? Definitely not your fault. That tax return however...
Other peoples success is not a reflection on you and your ability. It does not make you an abject failure. You think this is the case because today, and only today your self esteem has dried up. Oh and you're British you have been bred to mistrust confidence and success. Just get over it already. "Rejoice with those that rejoiceth"
The drive to be internationally recognised? May be this is slightly irrational? Ambition is good, but not be completely beneficial in this case.The sad truth is you will die one day. People tend to. Enjoy now. Go to galleries and auctions. Read about ceramics. Argue about politics. Run in the fields. Squeeze your children. Make improper suggestions to your husband. Smell everything especially the coffee. This is it. Now. Just this.
Laugh, laugh and laugh again. Watch a comedy a day. Meet up with people who get you. Drink coffee, eat cake and laugh some more. Try to meet up at least once a year with the geographically distant friends who make you laugh so much wine comes out of your nose. Embarrass your teenagers by mispronouncing pinterest, loudly,in public. Swear randomly at your husband, to shock him. Tickle your smallest child until she can't breathe and then roll around on the floor laughing with her.
Truly some days will be hideous and some glorious. This sadly is the human condition, and no amount of railing at the sky is going to change it. Roll with the punches and don't beat yourself (or anyone else) up when you're just not feeling it. As Mrs O'Hara said
'tomorrow is another day' and you have to believe a woman who looks good in vintage curtains.
Take your own advice. Take care of you. Be kind to yourself. How many people have you said that to this week? Wise words for any day of the week. Listen to them, feel them and breathe them in. You are not immune from this advice-in fact you have followed it in the past and it has worked. Remember?
Give yourself a good hard shake. Put the kettle on. Grab a book and put your feet up.
Normal service resumes after the break.
Originally published as Note to Self on thewrongkindofsnow.blog
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