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Yummy, MILF, Dishy and DILF - It's All About Sex

Posted: 24/01/2013 23:34

I was recently involved in a thought-provoking Twitter conversation with a couple of my favourite mummy bloggers; @basfordian and @ProudMumaUK. We were discussing the merits of the phrases yummy mummy and dishy daddy, its lesser known male equivalent.

I'm not offended by either of these phrases but to my mind they basically mean the same thing; a mother or father that you find physically attractive. I was broadly in agreement with @basfordian that yummy mummy and dishy daddy are only slightly more polite ways of saying MILF or DILF (Mum / Dad I'd Like to, well, you figure out what the F stands for).

A more liberal view was put across by @ProudMumaUK. She said that dishy daddy doesn't have the same connotations as yummy mummy (hold that thought, we're going to revisit this point shortly). She also said that her friends refer to each other as "yummies" when arranging to meet up socially.

Used in this context, it's very hard to object to the phrase yummy mummy. I totally understand that following childbirth and months of breast feeding a mother might take it as a compliment to be referred to as "yummy". I probably would if I were in that position, we all want to know we're looking our best after all.

But what if the context is changed? For argument's sake let us imagine that a group of yummies has gone out for the evening and left their men to hold the babies. They're sat round a table at All Bar One chatting, drinking wine, minding their own business. They're looking good; the kitten heels are on and the hem lines are at the knee or slightly above. A group of three men recognise the women as local mothers and fancy their chances. They sidle up to the table and try to break into the conversation by repeatedly referring to the women as "yummy mummies".

Okay, so we all know this group of socially inept men are doomed to fail and need a lesson in the very basics of social etiquette. I'm sure, however, that we've all seen similar cringe worthy scenarios unfold. In this context yummy mummy takes on a more sinister meaning. It isn't about managing to look good while raising young children, it's all about sex.

So what of the dishy daddy? Is it all about sex? In fairness you rarely hear the phrase and I've never had a woman sidle up to me in a bar and use the phrase "dishy daddy" as her opening line.

I decided to googlewhack the phrase to see what the media and a search engine's algorithms made of the phrase. Among the results were topless photographs of Orlando Bloom and Robbie Williams with their children, not to mention several male actors I'd never heard of with their kids. The list was small but was made up of stereotypically good looking males.

I tried the same experiment with yummy mummy. I was presented with images of women in various states of dress including Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba, Victoria Beckham and, er, mum of one Vicky Moore who was voted Hyndburn's Hottest Honey back in 2008 (Hyndburn is in Lancashire, should you be interested).

As I expected, there were many more images compared to the dishy daddies but it was still limited to attractive women. It's hardly peer reviewed research but both examples send a clear message; the dishy and yummy club is limited to the youthful and beautiful.

Just to prove the point, I went one step further, took a deep breath and googlewhacked MILF and DILF. I don't need to tell you what delights I was offered after placing MILF in the search engine. As someone that struggles with the exploitation and desperation of the porn industry it was uncomfortable viewing, but not particularly shocking.

The results of the DILF experiment were interesting to say the least. I was presented with huge amounts of graphic gay porn. There was enough of the stuff to keep the Roman Pretorian Guard entertained for months. I rapidly wound the experiment up to ensure I wasn't caught by Mrs Adams. I really didn't fancy having to explain my actions if caught.

But what of the phrases MILF and DILF? Are they offensive?

I personally think MILF is a dreadful phrase, not because of what it explicitly says, but because of what it implies. It suggests that post-childbirth women automatically lose their sex appeal and any man that stands by his post-childbirth partner should be applauded for his benevolence. The idea that a woman might lose her sex appeal just because she's had children is appalling and a dreadful message for women to deal with.

The phrase also reflects very badly on men. It suggests we don't find women attractive once they've had kids. I've never heard of a man rebuff a woman's advances simply because she's proved her fertility. Men are many things, but generally speaking they aren't that vain.

What of DILF? Let's face facts, these things don't bother men quite as much as women. Call a man a DILF and he's likely to take it as a compliment.

On a more serious note, a father won't have been through childbirth. Compared to a childless man, however, a father is likely to be older, not have the disposable income he once had to spend on clothes and unable to visit the gym as much. The phrase implies that a man should be lucky if he's considered attractive after he becomes a father. If it's unacceptable to think of mothers as MILFs then perhaps us men should be cautious of tolerating similar language.

So where am I going with all this? I'm not a puritan and have no wish to censor what people say. @ProudMumaUK has subsequently written a blog in which she says she has no objection to her husband calling her a MILF. I have no doubt the same applies for many other couples (I must also add that @basfordian has blogged on the yummy, dishy, MILF, DILF debate).

In conclusion I'd say that yummy, dishy, MILF and DILF are all about sex appeal. I just think we need to be honest about it. There's a time and a place for saying such things and we should all be very careful how and when we say them.

 

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