Instead of screaming bloody murder at your screen, maybe you should feel sorry for the gloaters. While you bask under the florescent lighting of your office, dreaming of greener grass, your travelling online-associates are raining on their own parade. They are wasting their time in #paradise by making sure that you at home know all about it.
#thingsworsethanrape. That's right you read it correctly. This is not the kind of thing that victims of rape should have to deal with and read. It is the kind of thing that so many members of society should be protected from, because even if it doesn't directly affect you it may affect somebody you know.
Despite the thousands of tweets sent to Bieber's account every minute, the illusion he may one day read a tweet a fan has sent plays an important role in creating the perception he remains accessible. This culminated in the #5yearsJustinSigned hashtag, with the date signifying an important milestone in the shared journey fans have been on with the young star.
Ever since I recovered from a comma, double comma, people started suggesting new phrases to me all the time, thinking I'm some sort of a dialect-oracle and meme-prophet capable of coining anything into ฿itcoins. The question is - could I really make money by just tweeting axioms and aphorisms? That's ridic. In any case I went ahead and wrote this series of state-of-the-art youthemisms to all the youngsters out there who need a bit of a turd polish.
Diners at the newly opened Comodo in New York will be encouraged to photograph their food (as normal) but make sure to include the hashtag #ComodoMenu which uses Instagram to collate all the other guests images together.
News has broken that David Cameron is to set up his own personal Twitter account, much to the horror of the political journalists on the Telegraph. They tell me that Twitter is where all the "conversations" are happening so I suppose it makes sense to be part of it. But not everyone agrees. My cynical and unemployed friend Derek was unsurprisingly scornful.
Yes, yes Red Dwarf X is coming to Dave in October and yes, Dave is running each previous series in a countdown-style build up but the title of this piece is about breaking free of social media.
Think of the issues that have raised our national hackles in the past few years; oil prices, cash for influence, expenses, bankers' bonuses...for a while we're appalled, outraged, demanding justice, or at the very least all the juicy details. And then? Business as usual. Should we do more or realise that we're a fickle bunch?