Nick Clegg faces a virtual mission impossible in this general election campaign - but if anything can save him and his party from electoral oblivion, it's his eyebrows. That's right. His eyebrows. They're the key to understanding why, despite being a figure of derision, the deputy prime minister's communication skills remain some of the most polished out there.
With parties that have waged wars on sovereign Muslim countries, introduced laws that are common in Orwellian police states, and defended the right of a PPC to post offensive images of the most revered figure in Islam; Muslims are hardly spoilt for choice this General Election.
The aim of this three-part article is to demonstrate that every deficit narrative and soundbite question or statement that you have heard parroted thousands of times are simply tricks aimed to mislead people.
You probably missed it, but the National Union of Students made the news. Not for an increase in the maintenance grant, something students struggle everyday with, nor to challenge the renting market, which prices students out of acceptable houses, but for something decidedly more backwards looking. Yes, we're still talking about tuition fees.
Some people in the furthest reaches of the UK are being left behind in the race for a digital Britain. They are missing out on the advantages that a reliable internet connection brings, such as ability to compare prices on household bills and find cheaper products, combat isolation and access vital services online.
For Labour the hurdle rate might just be 275 with an SNP deal by deal, vote by vote approach. Can Cameron get his polling back to 290? He has been there before in this campaign. Watch that Ukip vote for the coming week and watch out for 'shy' Tories perhaps set to confound the pollsters.
The Labour Party have added a sixth pledge to their list of promises to the UK people: 'Homes to buy and action on rents'. This comes hard on the heels of Ed Miliband announcing a whole raft of measures to help struggling renters - the most contentious being that rent rises will be capped at the rate of inflation under a Labour government, for the duration of longer three-year tenancies.
We have four men, all vying for our vote, all trying to show they are caring and compassionate leaders. All scrambling around at the last minute promising us the world, or indeed, the world as they see it. Why are they allowed to keep tagging incentives onto their manifestos?
I'm a student, and I'm voting Lib Dem. These two statements should not forge some irreconcilable conflict, but to many of my peers, they do. When I announce my political predilection, I'm regularly met with a furrowed brow and a medley of phrases such as, 'don't you feel betrayed?' or 'they just let us down.'
A University professor who would put a sign on his door saying "Away Fighting The Forces of Capitalism" when he was out of office once told me that the reason populism tends to pool around reactionary right-wing ideas is that the motivations for, and expected benefits of left-wing ideologies are less easily quantifiable and thus harder to express.
The Scottish independence referendum was proof that a positive campaign, engaging rather than side-lining young people, will inspire people of all ages to vote. The major political parties have forgotten this... But there is an alternative.
I think we can now officially call this the 'stalemate election'. Even the introduction of Boris has failed to break the shackles. The two main parties have been wheeling out all their 'big guns' in the last couple of weeks to no effect. And who do they have left? Does anyone at Tory HQ even have the mobile number for John Selwyn Gummer?
There are nearly 63.5 million people who will be subjected to the wrath of our own collective idiocy, so maybe if you don't feel like you understand what you're doing on the 7th of May then perhaps you should just stay at home and drop trou and have yourself a good time - at least that way you'll only be fucking yourself.
With the manifestos out of the way and as we head towards the final stretch of the election campaigns culminating with the General Election, political deadlock remains in place. Neither of the two main parties have gained the upper hand with polls suggesting a very tight race to the finish line.
On May 7th we decide which shower of shit we want leading the country. Fringe politicians aside, there are 7 party leaders to choose from, all of whic...
Recently the National Union of Students (NUS) released their pre-general election campaign for 2015, a tradition that is supposed to mobilise the youth vote and champion student politics on a national stage - however this year's campaign is less remarkable for the promotion of student involvement in the democratic process and more for partisan alienation of those who don't subscribe to a very specific ideology.