I walk past the cashier, feeling his malicious glance pierce the back of my neck. As I hand my friend Munchy a pack of Pot Noodles, an accusative, "ar...
No one really knows whether David Cameron or Ed Miliband will be the next British prime minister. And anyone who says they do is probably making it up. With that in mind, here are seven things everyone should understand about the campaign and election night.
It has taken a lot to get here, the heartbreak and confusion, a crisis in my being. However, I finally feel as if society is at a point to accept me for who I am, that I can look myself in the eye and say: I am who I am... I am an Ed Miliband fan.
It has taken a long time but we're nearly there. As we enter the final furlong of probably the longest election campaign in British political history, the polls still have the major protagonists neck and neck. But while uncertainty exists on whether the Conservatives or Labour will gain the most seats, there is notable polling trends on which a broad consensus has emerged.
Overall, the parties have some way to go to find imaginative and creative solutions to one of the greatest challenges for the next government, and the poorest people in the UK will suffer most as a result.
Within hours of the election result, we should have a clearer picture of whether the BBC will survive in its current form. With the current BBC Charter due to expire at the end of next year, the next government will barely have 18 months to consult on the terms of its renewal. It is perfectly possible, if results are only slightly worse for Labour and the Lib Dems than polls suggest, that an unholy alliance of Conservatives, Ulster Unionists from the DUP and a handful of Ukip MPs will see the BBC savaged to a point beyond repair. Its funding, remit, governance and possibly its very existence could be up for grabs.
I would advise Dave, Ed, Nick and co to listen to Liv and give us under 18's the right to vote. If the voting age isn't reduced to 16 then perhaps an official way to gauge the opinions of under 18's would be a good idea. At least then it would allow us to have our views recognised.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. At least that is the view of Scotland's Unionist parties. Because despite losing last September's referendum on independence by a decent margin the Scottish National Party now appear on course for a landslide victory at next week's general election.
If you want younger people to vote give them a vision they can get inspired by and be honest. If we collectively face up to our responsibilities to future generations then those 18-25 'non-voters' might start listening again.
It is realistic to think we can have a different kind of economy and society. It is possible to create a fair and just arrangement in which no one need fear being unable to put food on the table or keep a roof over their head... It is profoundly unrealistic to think we can continue as we are.
Nick Clegg faces a virtual mission impossible in this general election campaign - but if anything can save him and his party from electoral oblivion, it's his eyebrows. That's right. His eyebrows. They're the key to understanding why, despite being a figure of derision, the deputy prime minister's communication skills remain some of the most polished out there.
With parties that have waged wars on sovereign Muslim countries, introduced laws that are common in Orwellian police states, and defended the right of a PPC to post offensive images of the most revered figure in Islam; Muslims are hardly spoilt for choice this General Election.
The aim of this three-part article is to demonstrate that every deficit narrative and soundbite question or statement that you have heard parroted thousands of times are simply tricks aimed to mislead people.
You probably missed it, but the National Union of Students made the news. Not for an increase in the maintenance grant, something students struggle everyday with, nor to challenge the renting market, which prices students out of acceptable houses, but for something decidedly more backwards looking. Yes, we're still talking about tuition fees.
Some people in the furthest reaches of the UK are being left behind in the race for a digital Britain. They are missing out on the advantages that a reliable internet connection brings, such as ability to compare prices on household bills and find cheaper products, combat isolation and access vital services online.
For Labour the hurdle rate might just be 275 with an SNP deal by deal, vote by vote approach. Can Cameron get his polling back to 290? He has been there before in this campaign. Watch that Ukip vote for the coming week and watch out for 'shy' Tories perhaps set to confound the pollsters.