"Help", I thought to myself, I need to un-hear what I am being told. I'm sat opposite the specialist and he is telling me I have kidney cancer. Not what I thought would happen to a fit forty something. Yet, there I was being told it needed to come out, as soon as possible. Then a year and a day later I lost my husband to the same awful disease.
I am in good company though, Beyoncé admitted that she tries to make everyone around her happy (which I think she does a pretty good job with) and closer to home, my own mum and nana both rush around trying to solve everyone else's problems. They help others, putting their own feelings and well-being much further down in their priorities.
We are here. And one day we won't be. One day we won't have any tomorrows left and all our yesterdays will have been in vain. But we don't stop. We all realise that we are on the same side and support each other. We need to help people because we can. If you and I are here, we can. The question that remains is will we?
I never thought I would be in a place to write an honest letter to the attackers. I always hoped I would get to a place where the abuse and rape didn't define or affect me to a level where I was unable to engage in the world around. This day has come where I have finally let go of the past. I am not a victim. I am a survivor.
The whole furore of Christmas and talking to my friend left me with a great sense of depletion. I recently found employment and I even worked in the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve. While I was working I thought about my friend, who told me that she did not want any medication and preferred to live with just her memories.