For 4 weeks I had no job to go to or even think about; and no babies yet. For the first time, probably since I was at university, I was completely free to do what I wanted for days on end. Of course, what I wanted most of all was to sit on the sofa like a beached whale - I was huge and had no energy. But still, the feeling of freedom was starting to take hold.
Being home with my son was a battle. A battle against the wolf. That wolf lurked and lingered. It undermined me and my choices. I watched it circle the house as it watched me feed the baby. "You don't know what you're doing". "You call yourself a mother." The taunts were piercing. I was shattering a little more each time.
The yummy mummies are out in force and they're here to form a circle with their clique. They hang out where you want to take your child at every group, swimming club and play centre around. Crikey! I'm grateful to be working because if I was a stay-at-home mum my self-esteem just may hit an all-time low.