I had slumped down in a chair and was unaware of the commotion, as a swarm of doctors and midwives surrounded me and hoisted me up onto a bed. A short time later, I opened my eyes to find myself breathing through an oxygen mask and shaking uncontrollably. All I could hear repeatedly were the words, 'We need blood!'
I genuinely think the world was a softer place where there was less threat of a child catching a glimpse of breaking news that would scar their growing brain cells. Of course Maggie Thatcher must have made a damning speech in parliament and the Berlin Wall came down within my news era, but I was never subjected to it with the same brutality that a child could be today.
All of these snap judgements, these microaggressions, can add to the fear that can often surround motherhood. I lost hours of my life second guessing what people were thinking of me, what I was doing, whether I was doing a good job. Really, all that mattered was whether I was putting Fin first, doing the best job I could do, and being me.
Please don't imagine that my point of reference for motherhood is limited to floating around in a cloud of organic breastfeeding loveliness. In fact, I think that might be the core of the dilemma: this question of whether to use the word "mother" is just terribly reductionist, as though motherhood can be only one thing.
I had subconsciously buried this teeny tiny fact once I had finished the gravy train of education. I sat my last exam at university, which I took in a separate room to my peers, just like I had taken all of my exams. We had extra time as well as a couple of helpful ladies ready and willing to assist us more needy students. This was the last time I really gave my dyslexia any thought.
The problem with pink is not the colour itself, it is the narrow focus of what you as a young girl are told you can or can't like, what you should like because it has this one colour painted all over it. Pink was never on the Harry Potter lego I loved. There is so much more to a girl and to being the girl than this one colour appears to say.