Jesus and I have been separated a few years now. Well, we're divorced actually. Now, I know that whenever a marriage fails it's always the other person's fault and I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I had really, really tried to make it work. In the end, it was his moody silence that finished it off for me; all those years of absence...
I was a Christian for 25 years. In that period, I believed some of it for some of the time. I probably never believed all of it; I don't think any Christians do, in reality, other than those who habitually blur the distinction between reality and fantasy. My faith gradually declined until in the few years leading up to my Big Surprise - the mid-life crisis...
Reza Pankhurst's latest work doesn't have the poetic endurance of Shakespeare but its central premise is concerned with the dilemma so eloquently posed by the master playwright in Hamlet. The tragedy of the Danish prince that has endured as a fictional masterpiece of English drama has played out in the Muslim conscious for nigh on a hundred years.
And so the case remains that while one half of the world starves the other gladly packs on the pounds. The corpulent noble comes to mind, englutting a dining table laid out by servants a third his weight.
Whichever way the vote goes on Thursday, there will need to be a process of healing afterwards, because the big irony has been that in debating whether to divide from England, the Scots have actually divided themselves from each other, not just political groups but neighbours and families. Perhaps Scottish Jews, used to reconciling multiple identities over the centuries, can be part of the process.
The need to fight fascism and prevent genocide are as close to self evident truths as humanity might wish to invent. When both present themselves in the form of ISIS the question is how, rather than why, they must be destroyed.
Parents with children at a primary school East Sussex expressed outrage this week, when it became clear that the school's popular headteacher, who was drafted in to save the failing primary, could not stay on permanently because he isn't Roman Catholic. The school of course, is a faith school.
As long as Muslim communities do not have the equivalent to a Chief Rabbi, sadly, there will be a space in the social sphere which will be filled by those who are less interested in the welfare of Muslim communities, and more interested in making a name for themselves. Now is the time to grab this challenge with both hands.
The ideology which terrorists are fed aids this process too. When people take on a belief system, they begin to see the world in an abstract, intellectualised way, rather than through direct perception. They begin to see the world in terms of concepts and categories, developing a dry and rigid outlook which becomes so powerful that it divorces them from the immediacy of experience and contact. It encourages them to see other human beings not as individuals but as units in an abstract, conceptual and deadly game.
We're left with a leader that is devoid of leadership capacity, lumbered with the charisma of a damp rag, the vision of a mole and all the on-camera tact of a 14 year old pubescent man-child. A sepulchral sod. Goodness knows the manner off-camera. So let me say it again, it's the man, not the House, who's no longer fit for purpose.
The show took shape after a meeting with a defrocked Buddhist monk, ironically named Mr Rong, who felt his disability was a direct result of bad karma incurred during a past life. This shocked Ms Cunningham and kick started a search for the truth behind faith and disability.
We are in the midst of a geopolitical crisis in Africa and the Middle East. It is acutely felt by communities of faith who suffer a new barbarism as they watch their hallowed values drowned in blood. But it is no less a crisis for international commitments to human rights.
Why are so many of my fellow Muslims so gullible and so quick to believe bonkers conspiracy theories? How have the pedlars of paranoia amassed such influence within Muslim communities? When will credulous Muslims stop leaning on the conspiracy crutch? We blame sinister outside powers for all our problems - extremism, despotism, corruption and the rest - and paint ourselves as helpless victims rather than independent agents.
Kamal's story, and many others, makes it clear that the seizure of Mosul by the IS has manifested into a threat on human rights. This includes the right to practice whichever religion one chooses, should one choose to practice religion. Now, many hope that the new regime in Iraq will follow a path of statesmanship and pluralism, and not mindless sectarianism.
Thing is, they're not entirely wrong: there are plenty of instances of hatred, bigotry and hissy fits, but there is also much love, tolerance and, goddamit, beauty. To get it, you absolutely have to read it as a narrative rather than a pick 'n mix of copy and paste.
It is not good for society to ghettoise its future citizens so that they grow up segregated. It is not good for the children who grow up in an "us and them" culture; and in the very place where they should be learning about tolerance and respect. It is not good for faith - because it becomes tarnished by discrimination and is seen as divisive.