I beg you. Don't buy the mags with the fat shaming on the front, don't click the link with Kim K's rear on it (seriously, she is tiny in real life) and don't buy a size smaller then you are in embarrassment at what the till people will think of your actual size (just me?). The sooner we stop, the sooner we all smile a bit more, and nothing is more beautiful than that.
This hoax may purport to play on our collective gullibility and Twitter-trigger happiness, but it actually plays straight into the mental vulnerability of our society's young women, who are already overly bombarded by images of hollow cheekbones, washboard stomachs and thighs that don't meet. It is hardly newsworthy that this hoax had us collectively fooled.
Are my clothes shrinking in the wash or what? Following non-stop dinner and cocktail parties over the Christmas/New Year period - with over-indulgence in food and drink and little rest - the evidence is now on display. A bulge at the waistline, skin filling out in the wrong places, extra layers added to chin and thighs.
This is indeed a powerful lesson as we reflect how many people willingly head towards pain and suffering to avoid boredom. They will eat too much, get drunk, take drugs, behave violently or abusively, in fact indulge any impulse-no matter how self-destructive-to avoid or alleviate the emptiness of boredom.
Weight stigma appears to be the last socially acceptable form of prejudice and discrimination, and many people engage in behaviours towards fat people that most societies and individuals would deem abhorrent if directed towards other groups, for example, people of colour or certain sexual orientation.
Like many women, my attitude to my weight and body shape is fairly complicated. There are many factors influencing it - health, feminism, the desire to be attractive, the desire to eat cake, whether or not I'm about to meet up with someone I haven't seen for a few years - but really it comes down to a constant tension between two polar opposite ethoses.
As a woman who has conducted a very scientific research project into the inner psyche of sexually active blokes (i.e. has shagged around a bit) I say, with the sort of confidence normally reserved for Adele when she's telling Karl Lagerfeld to do one, that no man has ever seen me in a thong and then changed his mind about putting his willy inside of me. Never.