THE BLOG

Apologise and Be the Bigger Man

29/04/2013 11:46 BST | Updated 23/06/2013 10:12 BST

First off, Apologising is not a sign of weakness; in fact, it's a sign of true strength of character.

You may have been taught by society never to apologise. Some people view it as a sign of weakness, while others think it's just humiliating to apologise after a fight. Apologising doesn't mean you're allowing the other party to go on a power trip over you.

During conflicts you always stop and assess whose fault it is... and yes, you are most likely to come to the conclusion that it's never your fault--even if it may have been your fault.

And so why would you apologise, right?

It's hard to find someone who will readily admit to their mistake, especially after all they've said during an argument. But if you think about it, apologising actually goes beyond trying to see who did what; it's stepping out in humility with the purpose overlooking the faults of each other in order to move forward.

In this generation where people always fight for power, position and even the last piece of pie, you may be subliminally influenced never to offer an apology, not even when you've obviously offended someone. Because of society's influence, you automatically assume that apologising diminishes your ego, while adding to the self-worth of the other party.

This couldn't be further from the truth.

People who do apologise face the fact that they are human and not perfect. It's an admission of hurting someone whether intentionally or not and asking to be forgiven. The amazing thing about apologising is it not only makes the offended person feel better but it also liberates the person from anger.

The feeling of having to swallow your pride and destroy your feeling of omnipotence often holds you back from apologising.. The simple gesture of humility to ask forgiveness and admit one's fault is like pouring cold water on the offended party. In so many occasions, the offended party is only waiting for an apology and admission of misdeed from the other to forgive. But in extreme cases the refusal of an apology leads to court cases, hatred, and even violence.

There is no question about the need to apologise to those you hurt and offended. You need to swallow your pride and accept what you've done. This is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of maturity. Below are other reasons why apologizing is always the best way to counter conflicts.

  • Apologising helps rebuild the dignity of those you offended. Acknowledging your fault and owning up to it makes the other party feel better and dignified. By publicly acknowledging what you did wrong, you'll also help the offended party save face, and to some extent you'll feel better for having a hand in this.
  • People and relationships are far more important that your ego. By apologising, you are mending relationships and ushering a new beginning that will hopefully make that relationship stronger.
  • Apologising helps highlight your better side and not your worse. It gives people the impression that it is not your style to do wrong and you are not proud when you offend people. This tells them that you are mindful not to commit the same mistake again.
  • Your willingness to apologise reflects on your upbringing and values. Apologising confirms to people and the offended party that you have good moral values. By apologising to someone you have offended, whether intentionally or not, will even put your good deed in the spotlight and make up for whatever wrong you have done.

To quote my dearly departed father "It never hurts to just say sorry"